


Stay With Me

by Bex1898



Category: Original Work
Genre: 'Awww' Moments, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alex & Josh are a super cute couple, Athletic Teens, Author doesn't know shit about sports lol, Best Friends, Bullied/Harrassed gay character, Bullying, Clair is awesome at swimming & diving, Closeted jocks, Coming Out, Confused Teenager, Dinner & a movie, Emo, F/F, F/M, Fast-Growing Attraction, First Dates, Gay, Gay Teen Jock, Gay jock - Freeform, High School Try-outs, Homophobia, Hopeful, I tried my best & even did research, I use links to help with imagery, I wrote this years ago on Quotev, I'm new to AO3, Josh's friends protect Alex, Lesbian, M/M, Make Sure You Have Friends Who Support You, More Character Summaries Added, New Kind Of Family, Original Gay Teen Love Story, Rewriting it for both Quotev & AO3, Romance, Self-Harm, Small Towns, SmallTown, Swim & Dive Team, Trigger warnings when necessary, Violence, Will add more tags as I update the story, cute moments, gay teen, homophobic parents, please bare with me as I figure it out lol, sorry for the wait, tags to be added with each new chapter, things will be ok, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 39,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21545569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bex1898/pseuds/Bex1898
Summary: Previously published as my story “I love, Even If You Don’t“ on Quotev.com. I wasn’t happy with parts of the story so I’ve chosen to get back into writing by rewriting the story with semi-fresh eyes and definitely as a some-what better writer. This new version of the story will be posted on both Archive Of Our Own & Quotev.***What happens when attraction builds between the all-star jock Josh and emo nerd Alex? A lot. In the small South Carolina town, not many people are kind to or accepting of the LGBTQ+ community. Because of this fact, Josh keeps his questions about sexuality hidden and out & proud Alex is subjected to ridicule. Both teens have allies on their sides, but will their fast-growing attraction hold up against the obstacles around them? Josh and his teams, his family? Alex and his insecurities, his past? Both have a lot against them, but can they stay grounded, and stay with each other?
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Female Character, Original Female Character/Original Male Character, Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 3





	1. Character Summaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before we get started, let me introduce you to the 4 main characters. More will be added as the story progresses, at which another character page will be posted. Thanks Y'all! 
> 
> -Rebecca

* * *

**Alex Johnson:**

  * Age: 16
  * Grade: 11th
  * Hair: Green & Blue.
  * Orientation: Openly gay.
  * Piercings: Bottom right lip & stretched ears.
  * Interests: Music, books, & drawing.
  * Dislikes: Homophobia, sports- especially swimming, most rap music, school, & bullying.
  * Best Friend: Clair. Lives: Clover, South Carolina- Population approx. 5,200.



Hey guys! I’m Alex. I just got transferred to my best friend Clair’s high school. I was homeschooled for my 10th grade year and a bit of my 11th, but I’ve been officially enrolled into one of the top worst high schools in York County, South Carolina- Clover High. I actually live with Clair & her mom, who took me in when my parents died in a car crash in the middle of my freshman year. I try not to think about that time of hell in my life. My parents were great and I try to remember them the best way I can, but the aftermath of it all left me in a really bad place. If it wasn’t for Clair & her mom, I don’t know where I’d be right now. Let’s just say I have a lot of scars on my wrists and arms now. I was bullied severely for not only the scars once they were first spotted end of freshman year, but I was constantly ridiculed for being gay. 

I came over to Clair’s [ house ](https://img1.southernliving.timeinc.net/sites/default/files/styles/4_3_horizontal_inbody_900x506/public/image/2017/05/main/poets-cottage-after-via-carl-mattison-design-exterior-e1462994849112.jpg?itok=u7k5SLd9) one day after a really really bad day and that’s when her mom found me sitting on their guest bathroom counter, Clair dressing all my various wounds. She called the social worker assigned to me right away and got the paperwork expedited to become my legal guardian and to have me move in with her & Clair. I was amazed. I actually cried once everything had gone through. Her mom thought it was best to put me in online schooling for 10th grade to make it easier on me to adjust to all the recent changes. She was very cool with me being gay. She had no problem with it! Anyways, she finally got me enrolled in Clair’s high school. We actually met in the 6th grade in middle school and went to the same high school freshman year, but she transferred to Clover High 4 months into the year due to it having better programs and being in a better area. I still hung out with her constantly- which is how I ended up at hers that day when I was beaten up pretty bad. I called her and asked her to meet me at the park down the road from the group home I was staying at. She came, got me, helped me back to her house, and the rest is history as the saying goes.

Anyways, I love music, books, & drawing. I get called emo due to my style and music that I love, but who cares right? It’s amazing music that helped me in some really dark times. I know people hate on them, but my favorite bands have to include Asking Alexandria, Blood On The Dance Floor, Black Veil Brides, Pierce The Veil, & Sleeping With Sirens. Anyways, I should probably finish getting ready for my first day at Clover HIgh. It may be one of the worst high schools in South Carolina, but it’s definitely better than my old high school. I put on some black skinny jeans, an AA baseball-style tee, my vans, & make sure all my wristbands are on. I usually wear about 5 on each wrist to help cover my scars. I also grab my Asking Alexandria zip-up hoodie. It’s thin, but still comfy and warm. Plus it also helps with covering my arms. I then flat iron my hair and put on my red beanie. I put in red eyelets for my lobes and grab my messenger bag that has the Asking Alexandria logo on it and make my way to Clair’s room so we can walk to school together. 

* * *

**Clair Peterson:**

  * Age: 16
  * Grade: 11th
  * Hair: Orange & White.
  * Orientation: Closeted Bi-sexual; no ones knows. 
  * Piercings: Left nostril (usually wears a stud) & stretched ears.
  * Interests: Music, books, drawing, swimming, dying my hair, animals, & going on random adventures. 
  * Dislikes: Homophobia, some sports- not all of them, most rap music, bullying
  * Best Friend: Alex.
  * Lives: Clover, South Carolina- Population approx. 5,200.



Hi everyone! =^_^= I’m Clair, 16 years old, and best friend to the amazing Alex! I tend to be a bit hyper, but I don’t give a fuck. I’m also really excited to have Alex finally enrolled in my high school. I’ll at least be able to be there for him & look out for him. Clover High is better than his old school, but it’s still got its cliques. The assholes, the fake barbie bitches, the jocks (some of them actually nice), us emos lol, choir & band kids, etc. Today I get to help Alex navigate school. It’s not big, but it is an open campus with a courtyard/quad in the middle of campus. I’m hoping to have as many classes as possible with Alex. Mom asked the guidance counselors if they could do their best to have that happen. They promised their best. Let’s see, what else about me? Oh! I’m pretty bubbly, mainly to make sure spirits are up for everyone around me- especially Alex. The past few years have been rough on him. At least I got him to stop cutting. 

Anyhoo, I mostly love to sing, write, draw, & swim. I’m in the choir (a 1st soprano) & I’m actually trying out for the Girls' swim team, now that it’s swimming season. Which I know Alex is going to hate because the Main Coach at Clover High also teaches gym and during swimming season, all gym classes have a swimming unit for about 6 weeks. But it’s his first day, hopefully Alex won’t be made to swim today. My favorite music gets me called emo, and I guess so does my hair lol, but I embrace it so whatever! XD I love bands like Blood On The Dance Floor, Black Veil Brides, Panic! At The Disco, Asking Alexandria, Pierce The Veil, & Sleeping With Sirens. I pull on my yellow skinny jeans, grab my [BOTDF blue tank top](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/fe/05/a9/fe05a986cc79dc2c9fd501f347cba5a8.jpg), pair it with a [blue & black flannel](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/51ng3Q8oZJL._SR500,500_.jpg), zip on my black combat boots, and put in my blue eyelets for my lobes. Obviously, as you can tell, blue is one of my favorite colors. I’m the colorful emo! XD I flat iron my hair and hear Alex knock on my door as I put everything away. Then head out the door with him, saying good-bye to my mom, as we start our 15-minute walk to Clover High. 

* * *

**Josh Freeman: **

  * Age: 17
  * Grade: 11th
  * Hair: Brown.
  * Orientation: Straight- screw that confusing shit from a few years ago. 
  * Piercings: None.
  * Interests: Sports (especially football, track, & swimming), music, friends, parties, driving around, & watching movies.
  * Dislikes: Bullying (He’s a nice jock!), homework (especially math), his past confusion (he really doesn’t like it & doesn't know how to deal with it), and he really hates how low his confidence can get sometimes.
  * Best Friend: Brad.
  * Lives: Clover, South Carolina- Population approx. 5,200.



‘Sup guys? I’m Josh. I’m 17 and captain of the football, guys’ track, & guys’ swimming teams. I’m an only child but I’m not bothered by that. I drive my own truck and live in the nicer end of our small town of Clover, South Carolina. That's due to my parents working a lot and never being around home. But hey, its whatever. It gives me the chance to throw all the victory parties, like us small-towners know & love to do. I’m also one of the more popular kids at school, because of the team captain & party shit. I excel in sports, but my main sports are football, track & field, and swimming. Right now, it’s swimming & football season. Most of the football guys are in at least 2 out of those 3 sports. Each sport keeps us in shape for the other ones. Aside from sports, I like music (country mainly, but rock & metal are ok too), hanging out with my teammates & friends is always a good time- especially if it’s one of our small-town keggers, driving around aimlessly is nice too- it helps me clear my head and the dirt roads are weirdly calming. And when I’m not doing any of those, chilling and watching a movie is a great way for me to relax. But when it comes to shit like schoolwork- really just math- it sucks. I have a B in my algebra 2 class, but I have to work hard constantly just to keep my Captain position in the teams I’m on. My favorite sports I participate in are track & swimming. I’m good at football, & I love it, but there’s something about being in the water & running (without the possibility of getting tackled haha).

I’m also not a big fan of people being dicks to others. Some jocks get off on doing that stupid shit, but most of us are at least smart enough to realize doing that shit could get us kicked off the teams we’re on. Let’s see, I’m also straight, but single. Dated this JV cheerleader last year for a little while, but it just didn’t work out. Whatever, it’s high school man, nbot TV. Not everyone is destined to meet their one & only in our hallways of hell. Middle school for me sucked royally, but I’ve put that shit behind me and rose to the top of the high school food chain. Only Brad knows about that shit, since he and I have known each other since the 6th grade when his family moved here. Brad is my best bud, obviously. He’s on the football, track & field, and swimming teams with me as my vice captain. Like I said, we’ve known each other for a while, but even then, there’s shit we don’t talk about. But that’s normal I guess. Bros don’t need to talk about everything- chicks do that. 

I put on some faded blue jeans, a plain grey shirt with sleeves that end at my elbows, my varsity football jacket, and my sneakers. I brush through my hair once & then grab my phone and schoolbag. I walk down the stairs of my [house](https://www.professorshouse.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/real-estate-149.jpg), not surprised at all to see a note from my parents, stating that they are on another work-related trip & won’t be back for 8 days. Cool, so if we win this friday’s game, that means I’m hosting the victory party instead of going to a bonfire in the woods behind our kicker’s house. I pocket the cash they leave behind for food and then grab my keys and head on out to my [truck](https://img.autobytel.com/car-reviews/autobytel/131768-10-best-4-door-trucks/2017_Toyota_Tacoma_TRD_Pro.jpg) and drive to Clover High. 

* * *

**Brad Monroe: **

  * Age: 17
  * Grade: 11th
  * Hair: Dirty Blonde.
  * Orientation: Closeted Bi-Sexual; no ones knows. 
  * Piercings: None.
  * Interests: Sports (such as football, track, & swimming), music, friends, parties, & movies.
  * Dislikes: Bullying, & when his younger siblings are being annoying.
  * Best Friend: Josh.
  * Lives: Clover, South Carolina- Population approx. 5,200. 



What’s up guys? I’m Brad, 17, & Vice Captain for 3 of the biggest sports teams at Clover High- football, track & field, and swimming. I’m a junior and already on all the varsity teams alongside my best friend Josh. Him and I have known each other since the 6thy grade- when my family moved here. I’m the oldest child, followed by 2 younger siblings- who can be very annoying at times. I have my younger brother James who’s 14 & my younger sister Amy who’s 12. I drive a nice dark blue pickup [truck](https://static.cargurus.com/images/site/2009/04/26/22/35/2003-ford-ranger-4-dr-xlt-4wd-extended-cab-sb-pic-4531-640x480.jpeg). I’m bisexual, but no one knows. Not even Josh, who I know has had some past issues. I’ve known him for so long, I can read him very easily and I think that annoys him sometimes. Haha. But yeah, I like both guys & girls. But this town doesn’t like that kind of thing too much, so yeah, I keep it under wraps. There was a boy from 8th grade I liked a lot, but we lost touch after going to different high schools- after 9th grade really. Especially when we found out we’re on rival swim teams. I send him a text every now & then. 

Anyways, I also like music- country, rock, & alternative mainly. I love hanging out with my friends & teammates, our parties tend to be a huge hit with the whole school- thanks to either our kicker or Josh (our 2 main party hosts). I may be the VC, but with my younger siblings always around and my parents being home most of the time, I can’t host any parties. But I do my part & gather up any & all supplies that I can. I’m good at school, mostly history & english. Out of all the sports I play, swimming has to be my favorite. I play the others to keep in shape, plus I’m good at them & they’re pretty fun. I put on some dark blue jeans, a short sleeve Clover High Swim Team shirt, my varsity football jacket, my [country boy boots](https://images.esellerpro.com/2296/I/341/867/mil-tec_zipper_boots_brown_ALL_1.jpg), and grab my schoolbag. Then I walk into the kitchen to see James & Amy finishing their breakfast. I pour myself some to-go coffee with cream & sugar. I round up my siblings and we pile into my truck. I drive them to their middle school, which is down the road from Clover High, and then make my way to school.


	2. The First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex's first day at his new school.

**Alex’s POV:**

Clair & I walk up the front steps of Clover High and I follow her to the main office to get my schedule. Turns out, we have 4 out of 7 classes together! I look over my schedule and groan. Why did I get put in gym? Clair looks at me. “They stuck me in gym for some fucking reason.” I told her. She shrugs. “You’re transferring a few months into the year, it was probably one of the only classes left available. But I have the same gym period, so you’ll be ok. I promise.” She tells me then gives me a hug. The office lady also gives me a locker number and a combo lock. Clair smiles. “That's right next to me!” She grabs my hand. “Let’s go!” She smiles as she drags me to our supposed lockers. Wow, this school actually has the tall lockers. How old is this place? I put the combo lock on my locker, then wait for Clair to grab the stuff she needs. “It’s your first day, so teachers won’t hound you about textbooks and shit, but we can stop by the library after classes today and grab them before we head on home.” I nod along. “Sounds good.” Then I look at my schedule. “That actually makes sense since I’m in the library last class.” She takes my schedule. “Right! I knew that.” She grins. I laugh. We then start comparing our schedules.

_**Alex’s Schedule: ** _  
_1st Period: Algebra 2_  
_2nd Period: Gym_  
_3rd Period: U.S. History_  
_4th Period: Chemistry_  
_5th Period: AP Literature_  
_6th Period: Creative Writing_  
_7th Period: Teacher’s Aid- Library_

_** Clair’s Schedule: ** _  
_1st Period: Algebra 2_  
_2nd Period: Gym_  
_3rd Period: U.S. History_  
_4th Period: English 3_  
_5th Period: Chemistry_  
_6th Period: Creative Writing_  
_7th Period: Advanced Women’s Choir_

We then start walking to math. “Now, the only classes I don’t have with you are Chemistry, AP Lit, & your teacher’s aid period. I’ll be in regular english 3 while you’re in chemistry, chemistry when you’re in AP Lit, & women’s advanced choir when you’re a teacher’s aid. So if you need me, you have an idea of where I’m at. I’ll text you the room numbers just in case. Math should be a walk in the park for you, nerd.” We laugh. “But gym might be tougher since we’ve just started the swimming unit.” I grimace. “Hey, you should be ok. It’s your first day right?” She smiles hopefully. I hope it’ll go by fast. “I have a long sleeve shirt for you to swim in just in case he makes you swim.” She hugs me. I hug her back. “Thanks Clair.” Then we enter the math classroom. Clair stands aside while I go up to the teacher and introduce myself. He tells me to sit between Clair and some guy named Josh. Then asks to see my schedule. I hand it to him. He nods, looking over it. “I see you have most of your classes with Clair, but you also have classes with Josh that aren’t with her.” I nod, not knowing where this is going. “Josh?” He calls out. Then the next thing I know, this gorgeous looking guy in a football jersey stands up and walks over. “Yes sir?” Ooohh, a country voice sweet like honey. Stop Alex- can’t do that here. 

  
“Josh, I was wondering if you could help out Alex get to his 4th, 5th, & 7th periods? You two have those 3 together as well as the rest of your classes together as well.” Teach explains to Josh. He nods. “Sure thing.” Teach then looks at me, “You may take your seat now Alex.” I nod. “Thank you Sir.” I follow Josh back and then sit between him & Clair. I grab out a new notebook and a pencil as the teacher takes roll call and assigns us to work on a chapter about quadratic equations. Clair opens her book and offers to share. I just grab my phone and take a picture of the 2 pages. Then I start on the problems- clearing about half of them in almost 20 minutes. “You good at this shit?” I hear from next to me. I look over at Josh, I could get real used to seeing his face. Stop Alex! I look at him. “Yeah, it kind of just comes easy to me.” He nods. “Can you help me out then?” He asks, with a look on his face that clearly shows he hates this class. I smile. “Sure.” I then help him alongside finishing my work. 

  
Ten minutes to til the bell, we’re both done. Well, I actually finished a little after starting to help Josh, but I helped Josh get everything done in the knick of time. Mr. Randall (found out that was his name) collects our work, and I pack up my notebook. Before the bell rings, Mr. Randall makes an announcement. “Before you guys leave at the sound of the bell, I’m letting you know that I’m assigning groups of you to work on explaining a single chapter from the textbook since the start of the year in order to better prepare you guys for midterms.” The class groans and he starts calling out groups. “And for the final group, Clair, Josh & Alex. You guys have chapter 7. That is all class. You may sit and wait for the bell. We will start on these tomorrow, but feel free to meet before then if you want to get an early start.” Josh, Clair, and I exchange looks. “What’s chapter 7?” I ask. Clair smiles. “It’s radical equations, expressions, & inequalities.” Josh groans. “How can you smile at that Clair?” She chuckles. “Because we’ve got Alex. Genius boy over here.” I groan this time. “Clair- shut up.” She just laughs me off. “So you really are good at math?” Josh asks. I nod. “Yeah.” I look at my schedule. “ Clair and I have gym next, didn’t Mr. Randall say something about you having the same classes as me?” I ask him. He nods. Then the bell rings. 

  
We get up and head to the gym. I walk up to who I’m guessing is the coach while Josh and Clair head to the locker rooms. He looks very scruffy and kinda mean, but maybe that’s just me. “Morning Sir.” I say and introduce myself. “New kid eh?” He looks me up and down & nods. “Well kid, we’ve just started our swimming unit, but I’m guessing you don’t have anything to swim in today?” He looks at me questioningly. I nodded. “Is it ok for me to sit out for today then? I can make sure to bring something tomorrow.” I ask hopefully. He shakes his head. “No can do, just borrow some shorts. Josh usually keeps an extra pair.” He says. Then he calls over Josh as soon as Josh walks out of the locker room in just a pair of swimming trunks and flip flops. Holy mother of god… his body.. Fuck, I gotta stop myself from drooling. Dude has a body of a god. I shake my head slightly. He jogs over. “What’s up Coach?” Josh asks. “Let the new kid here borrow your extra trunks for the day. First day & all.” Josh simply nods and leads me to the locker rooms. I send a quick text Clair’s way for that shirt she told me about. 

  
Josh and I enter the locker room, all the other guys have already changed and are in the pool. We head to a locker I’m assuming is Josh’s and he pulls out a pair of dark green swim trunks. Do we have a similar favorite color? “Just change into these. You can wash them and give ‘em back later.” Josh tells me. Then we hear the locker room door open and close real fast. Then my phone buzzes and I don’t even have to look at it to know that was Clair. I check by the door and it’s her shirt- a long sleeve grey shirt. I text her thanks and head to a stall to change. Josh looks at me weird. “You change in a stall?” He asks. I shrug. “That ok?” I ask. He shrugs back. “Just weird. No one in our class does, except for just you now. But it's whatever.” I nod and he just waits for me to get changed. I close the stall door and change. It feels weird to not have my wristbands on, but Clair’s shirt has long sleeves, so I’m ok. I walk out of the stall, regular clothes and shoes in my hands. Josh looks at me, “What are you wearing?” I look down. “Is it that noticeable that your trunks are big on me?” I asked. “I tied them as tight as I could. He shakes his head. “Not that. The shirt.” He points. “Coach isn’t going to be fond of you wearing a long sleeve shirt in the pool. Nor the fact that it’s Clair’s.”

  
I shrug. “It’s comfortable. And why does he care? It’s just a shirt.” Josh sighs. “It’s your first day, so I’m trying to help you dude. Coach will not hesitate to chew you out on the first day.” He heads back towards his locker, grabs something, and looks at me. “Here, if you’re so hell bent on wearing a shirt, this is mine. It’s short sleeve but at least it’s something.” I shake my head. “You don’t understand. I’m fine with this. I don’t give a fuck if that coach wants to yell at me. He’s lucky I’m actually swimming.” I spit out. Josh looks at me. “Dude, just wear the shirt or go shirtless there’s no fags here.” I go frigid at that. Of course he’d be THAT jock. He looks at me. “You ok?” He asks. I shake my head. “It’s just that my cousin is gay, so that term rubs me the wrong way.” He shrugs, “Sorry dude. I’m honestly just trying to make it easier for you.” He shoves the shirt into my chest. I’ve had just about enough of this jerk. “Look, I said I don’t care. Leave it will ya?” I try not to shout at him. 

  
I find an empty locker and shove my shit into it.I go to turn around & head towards the pool. “Alex, right? Look, Coach is a dick. Take it from a guy who’s on 3 of his teams. He will give you shit about this.” I sigh and rip off Clair’s shirt. Something I REALLY wanted to avoid. He lets a small gasp out. “This is why Asshole! I don’t want anyone to see this shit!” I point at my wrists and the semi-deep gashes in my chest. The scars go all the way up my arms. They’re all about maybe 6 months old, but still pretty evident. He turns around. I grab Clair’s shirt and put it back on. “Now can you just leave me alone?” I ask aggravated. Even more at the reminding thought that I have to work on a math project with him. He looks back at me. “Do what you want.” And then he leaves… Great now who I’m guessing is a top guy around here now knows about my scars. Fuck. 

  
I exit the locker room and find Clair. She sees my face and gives me a hug. “You ok?” She asks. I just nod and hop in the pool beside her and start doing a few laps. Coach comes by and questions my shirt. “I like swimming with a long sleeve shirt, so I borrowed one from Clair.” I simply say, not caring how gay I sounded right there. Coach grumbles. “Just make sure it’s your own tomorrow. Now join the guys and do 15 laps back and forth.” He walks away. I go ahead and say bye to Clair. As much as I hate to admit, no matter how mad/upset I am right now, I still have to steal quick glances at Josh. Will he tell? Is he disgusted by me? How the fuck is he so hot? Ugh Alex! Stop it! He’s a straight, homophobic asshole. 

* * *

**Josh’s POV:**

I’m doing laps with the guys, but I can’t help but steal glances at Alex. Brad and a few of the other guys notice. I tell them he swims weird, they agree & shrug it off. But that’s not actually true. I just can’t get those scars out of my head. What could have driven him to do that? I try not to think about it and just swim some extra laps. Then I head for the diving boards and take a few dives with some of the guys from the swim team, Brad included. He asks if I’m ok, and I nod. “Yeah man.” And then I take another dive. 

  
Coach blows his whistle and we all head back to the locker rooms. I see Alex, all wet and his colorful hair sticking to his face, I try not to look. He grabs his clothes and head for a stall. “Seems the new kid is shy.” Brad says. We all nod along as we shower off and change. “Did y’all notice he was wearing Clair Peterson’s shirt?” Another guy asks. Most of us nod. It’s Clair’s back up gym shirt. Has been since 9th grade. Alex walks back out in his regular clothes- an Asking Alexandria shirt, black skinny jeans, and so many wristbands. He reaches for a thin Asking Alexandria hoodie. Apparently Brad decided to make small talk. “Alex right? You know Clair?” Alex looks at Brad, almost like if he’s assessing Brad. Then he nods. “Yeah, we’ve been best friends for years now.” He starts lacing up his vans. “You like music?” Brad asks him, noticing his obvious interest in Asking Alexandria. Alex nods again. “Yeah, it’s a huge thing for me.” He says and grabs his bag. We all exit the locker room and I see Clair immediately lock arms with Alex. I can’t help but think if she knows or not. He hands her the shirt and she stuffs it into her bag. 

  
I head to history, stopping by my locker to grab my book and put away my heavy as shit math book. I walk into class to see Alex. Shit, why can’t I fucking stop thinking about him? I sit down in my seat, which happened to be right next to him. What the hell universe? I grab the worksheets we started yesterday and hear my name being called. I look up at our teacher. “Josh, can you & Clair help Alex catch up?” She asks. I nod and lean towards them. Clair has already given him the first page. So I give him the 2nd and half of the 3rd pages out of the 5 page packet. “You like history?” Alex asks quietly, I nod. We work quietly and finish our work in no time. When we’re done it’s 15 minutes til the bell, so Clair turns in all 3 of our packets and I decide to rest my head on my desk. The bell rings and I soon quickly realize it’s 4th period next. Clair has a different class, so I have to show Alex around! Fuck, ok… Just be cool. Like I always am…


	3. What Is Happening?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh and Alex get close. Josh tries to push certain thoughts away.

**Alex’s POV:**

I walk silently with Josh to chemistry. He keeps taking side glances at me and I have no idea if he’s making sure I’m keeping up or thinking about my scars. I’m so fucking stupid. Why did I do that? He then turns right towards a stairwell. “We have chem on the 3rd floor.” He tells me, I nod. We climb the stairs and soon make it to the classroom. We step inside and I do the whole “new kid schtick” again. This class though, students are paired off into groups of 4s due to experiments/assignments. The teacher assigns me to the only 3-man group: the jocks. Great. I sit down to see 2 faces that look familiar and Josh’s. I’m immediately met with handshakes. “I’m Brad.” Oh yeah, gym. “I’m Lukas.” I shake hands, holy shit their grip is strong… I nod. “Aren’t you both in my gym class?” I ask. They both nod. “We’re on the football, track & field, and swimming teams with Josh. Well, track & field isn’t in season yet, but we count it.” Lukas tells me. “I’m the kicker.” Lukas says. “And I’m Josh’s right-hand man, other wise known as vice captain & the team’s best running back.” I nod, and before anything else can be said, the teacher starts handing out papers and going over the day’s assignment. “Hey Alex, “Josh starts, “since you’re good at math, can you do the equations part of the assignment? We can then piece the rest of it together.” I sighed, of course they were gonna use me for that. Brad laughs. “Don’t listen to Josh. He just sucks at math.” I chuckle. “How about you and me do the equations together. Then these 2 can put it together, with our help.” I smiled, Brad was nice. Though I am keeping my guard up. This is oddly familiar to how my last school went.

  
But that’s the exact way we do the assignment, and we finished everything with a few minutes to spare. Our teacher comes over and double checks all of our work. He signs off on it and gives us full marks. Then allows us the last few minutes of class time to be on our phones. I check up on all my favorite bands, text Clair, and am about to plug in my headphones, when I feel a tap on the table near me. I look up and see all 3 guys looking at me. “Something on my face or…?” I ask, trailing off. Josh shakes his head. “We gotta exchange numbers for the math project.” I nodded and gave him my phone to input his number. He gave it back to me. I sent him a text. “And now you have mine.” I just hope that project doesn’t go south. At least I’ll have Clair there with me. I put in my headphones and listen to music until I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look up to see everyone piling out of the classroom. I take out an earbud. “You have AP Lit next right?” Josh asks me. I nod. Fuck, I need Clair. I have no idea why I feel the need to walk with him (besides not knowing where to go) while I’m still irritated at him about earlier. 

As we head out of the classroom, we run into Clair. I give her a hug. She smiles at me. “It’s time for lunch! Come on!.” She says, & I nod, smiling. I follow her to the cafeteria, leaving behind Josh & all my worrying thoughts. Clair and I get in line for food, and she turns to look at me. “So you and Josh are getting to know each other.” She winks. I shake my head. “Not a chance in hell Clair, and you know it.” She pouts. “But why?” I sigh. “He was just chosen to show me around when I’m not with you. Plus, he was a dick this morning in Gym, so there’s that.” I explain to her. She looks at me. “Did he see?” Is all she asks. I don’t even have to answer vocally for her to understand. She sighs and gives me a hug. “He said that there’s no fags in our gym class, so I don’t have to worry about being shirtless. He wouldn’t let up, but you know my stubborn ass wasn’t relenting either.” I explained to her. She sighed. “And he already texted me about starting the math project after school today. If you had told me earlier, I wouldn’t have said yes already.” She said sympathetically. I shake my head. “It’s alright Clair. If not today, we would’ve had to start working together tomorrow. I’ll be ok. It’s just that I have no idea what he’s thinking now. He won’t stop looking at me.” I tell her as I grab a tray and a slice of pepperoni pizza. She grabs the same. 

She grabs us waters since they won’t let you leave the line without a damn drink, then we pay and head for the vending machines where she gets us 2 Dr. Peppers. “What do you mean?” She asks. I sigh as I follow her outside the cafeteria to a secluded tree on the back side of the campus. There’s even a table out here. We sit down. She looks at me, waiting for an answer. I look at her and whisper quietly. “Clair, ever since Josh- aka the most popular guy at this school from what i can tell- saw my scars, he’s been taking sideways glances at me, looking at me, and I can’t tell why. Like, is he going to tell everyone? Is he worried? Is he disgusted? I don’t know, and that worries ME.” She hugs me. “Breathe Alex. It’s ok.” I nod and take a few deep breaths. “I’m sure there’s a reason for it all, ok? Maybe he likes you!” She winks. I laugh and playfully hit her shoulder as I eat my pizza. “Please! Like Mr. Jock would ever swing that way.” She smiles. “You never know.” She sing-songed. She chuckled at her. Then I hear our names being called. I look over my shoulder and I can feel the color drain from my face. Josh… and Brad.

They approach us, no food in hand, but they each take a seat. “We’re still good for today after school right?” Josh asks. Clair looks at me, but I nod. She smiles a small smile. “Yeah Josh, we are. Where are we working again?” She asks him. “My place, folks are out of town for a few days, so we won’t be bothered at all.” We nod. “Do you guys need a ride?” Clair smiles, “That'd be nice. Thanks.” I nod along. “Thanks.” Josh smiles. “Cool. Alex, I’ll show you to AP Lit when the bell rings, just meet me outside the cafeteria.” He tells me. I nod, the look in his eyes still tells me he’s still trying to process my scars. “Cool.” Then he & brad get up and walk away.

  
I turn and look at Clair. “Why would you agree to a ride?” I ask her. She grins. “Two reasons. First, he lives far from school, unlike us. It would take us at least 30 minutes to walk there. Second, I saw how he was looking at you. Call me crazy. But you intrigue him somehow.” I roll my eyes. “You’re crazy.” We laugh after a good 5 seconds of silence. We finish our food before we finally hear the bell ring. “Go have fun.” She sings. I laugh at her and give her a hug. 

  
“I’ll text you.” She says. I nod and start walking to the cafeteria where Josh said to meet him. It doesn’t take me long to spot him. I mean, he’s gorgeous. Alex- stop. I walk up to him. “Hey.” He grins as we detaches himself from the 3 girls that have surrounded him. I roll my eyes. “Sup Alex?” He asks. “AP Lit?” I question. He nods. “Don’t worry, I got you man.”

* * *

**Start of Lunch; Josh’s POV:**

Brad & I sit with the guys from the swimming & football teams as soon as I got my food with Brad. Pizza day, such a sweet thing. Haha. Brad and I start eating when it starts. “Josh dude, why are you spending so much time with the new emo kid?” Some douche bag sophomore asks. Another Junior from the JV team steps in too. “Yeah dude, I get his friend Clair so hot, but even then, emo chicks are creepy as fuck.” I rolled my eyes as most of the guys start with similar antics & remarks. Lukas actually steps in. “Alex is actually a chill dude guys.” Then they start on him. I sigh. “Look, Mr. Randall told me this morning to help Alex out for the day since he’s new. Not my fault his classes are with me.” I tell the guys. 

I can sense Brad looking at me slightly. I ignore it. “I even got paired with Clair & him for a stupid algebra project. At least he’s good at math, so I won’t fail.” I say. The guys all shrug, sigh, or low-whistle. “Rough man. Just don’t let him get too close.” I go frigid for just a second. I’m sure no one noticed. But I can feel Brad’s eyes on me and the asshat JV player from earlier. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Brad asks him. The dude shrugs. “I’m just sayin’. Emo kid has been looking at you all day. Practically drooling.” Brad scoffs. “Dude, lay off. None of us even know the new kid that well. Don’t be a douche bag. Don’t be THAT jock.” At that, everyone goes quiet and we start talking about other useless shit. We also bring up the possibility of a kegger at mine this weekend if all goes well with the game. Which we’re all pretty sure of. 

Brad and I finish eating and walk off to where I know Clair eats lunch- some secluded spot towards the back of the campus. We’re walking there when Brad starts talking. “That JV kid needs to shut his mouth.” I just nod. Brad sighs. “I saw how you reacted to his accusation about Alex. I’ve also noticed you keep glancing at Alex all day. Since gym pretty much. What’s up dude?” He asks, care evident in his voice. I shrug. “Just let it go dude.” Is all I say. He sighs. “Well I’m here if you need me.” He says, and we leave it there. Silent until we see Clair & Alex. I call out their names and they turn around. Alex’s face looks like he’s seen a ghost. Can.. Can that be because of me? Josh- quit it! I’ve gotta be over that shit. We talk about the math project and then I let Alex know where he can find me so I can show him to AP Lit.

Brad & I walk away and I can see Brad smirking out of the corner of my eye. “Dude, stop.” I tell him. “I’m over that bullshit.” I say. He shrugs. “Well you know I’m here for ya dude.” Is all he says before walking off. Damn it. I get that I’ve known him for years, but how can that guy seriously read me so easily? I try not to think about it as I wait for Alex. I’m of course ambushed by some cute-looking sophomore girls, but they’re pretty boring. I see Alex starting to walk up. I excuse myself. He and I then head to AP Lit. I also try not to think about how he rolled his eyes at those girls.   


* * *

**Alex’s POV:**

Josh guides me back to the building we were in for chemistry. Instead of going to the 3rd floor, we go to the 2nd floor and to our next class. It doesn’t take us long to get there actually. We walk inside and of course, I do the new student thing… and get seated next to Josh since he’s the one showing me around. She hands me a packet for the current book the class is reading as well as a copy of the book- The Scarlet Letter. We sit in the back and Josh hands me his packet to copy for the first 5 chapters. It’s quiet since we’re the first ones here and this school gives kids like, 6 minutes to get from one class to the next. I’m almost done when I hear people start to walk in. I also hear my phone go off. 

_Josh- “Sorry about gym earlier.”  
Me- “Don’t worry about it.” _

I send the text & put my phone down. The apology is nice, but again, I’m not letting what happened last time happen again. I finish the last page on chapter 5 when the bell rings and most everyone is here. The teacher starts roll call and then we start reading chapter 6. She believes in everyone reading a page. So I try to keep track with everyone, but it’s hard when Josh keeps glancing at me. Soon, it’s his turn and he reads his page like he’s been paying attention the whole time. Next I’m up. So I read my page, mispronouncing 1 word, but aside from that, all good. After almost 30 students read a page each, we start again and even get through 2 chapters of the book. She assigns us to complete our packet for chapters 6 & 7\. The bell rings and I put my shit away. My phone buzzes- it’s Clair.

_Clair- “I’m waiting for you outside =^_^= ”_

I sigh relief & head outside, not wanting to waste anymore time thinking about Josh. He can apologize all he wants, I’m not letting myself get hurt again. Even if Josh is one of the hottest guys I’ve EVER seen. Nope, totally not going to think about kissing him. I see Clair and know that with her, Creative Writing won’t be torture. I apparently still have 1 more last without Clair, but with just Josh. Hopefully I won’t go crazy. She grabs my hand and we make our way down the stairs, out of the building we were in, heading to the right side of the campus where we finally enter a 1 floor only building. She leads me down the hall to our next class: Creative Writing. We walk inside and I, again, do the whole new kid routine. I then sit next to Clair and take out a notebook. Soon enough, more students piled in and class continued. The teacher wrote a prompt on the board and everyone began writing. We turned in our papers and the bell rang. I can tell that I’m really going to like this class. I wrote a mile a minute on that prompt. Teacher even loved it. I was fairly certain I could find my way to the library, but I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Wait up dude. Don’t wantcha gettin’ lost.” Josh joked. I wanted to shrug off his hand like I would normally do, but it felt right there. I snap out of it and side-step for Josh to lead me to the library. Why does this dude confuse me so much? 

We make it to the library and the librarian turns out not to be the sweet old lady most high schools have. Turns out, she’s in her early 30’s. She introduces herself, “I’m Mrs. Vaughn, but as my TA, you can just call me Mrs. Tina.” She smiles as she introduces herself in her country accent- definitely not from South Carolina. I smile back and introduce myself as well and shake her hand. “I’m Alex.” Then she asks to see my schedule. She looks it over, “Josh, you have the same classes, don’t you sweetheart?” Josh nods. “Yes ma’am.” She hands my schedule back to me. “Then can you take a few minutes to help Alex find all his textbooks? After that, you boys can check in the stack of books and then put them away.” She asked him & instructed us. We nodded. “Alex, you can just put your bag behind the desk.” She told me. I thanked her and then put my bag away. Then I followed Josh to find my books. Once I find the ones I need, Mrs. Tina checks them out for me and places them right next to my bag. Then Josh and I work together on checking in books. There’s about 40 books that need to be checked back into the library and put away. As we’re doing this, Josh is showing me the process. Scan book, click the check-in button with the mouse on the computer, and repeat. Mrs. Tina lets us know that she’s going to be in her office if we need her. We nod and continue checking in the books. 

"Hey Alex, can I ask you something?” Josh asks. I sigh, knowing one of a few questions will be asked. “What?” I respond. He takes a deep breath. “How did you get those scars?” He asks quietly. I sighed and looked down. “I lost my parents about a year & a half ago, and it didn’t exactly leave me in a good place.” I told him. He nods, understanding that I don’t wanna talk about it too much. “Sorry if I came off like an asshole.” I heard him say after a few moments of silence. I huffed. “If? You were pretty much the typical homophobic jock.” I said in a low tone. Josh looked at me. “Why..?” I cut him off. “You said there were no fags in our gym class. That alone made me feel like you were a homophobe.” I said as I looked down. “I’m sorry. I really don't know why I said that. But I did, and I’m sorry.” He says as he checks in the last book. We then get up to start putting these books back on the shelf. “I accept your apology.” I tell Josh. He smiles at me. “Cool.” We start putting away some of the books, when I feel myself feeling the need to tell him. “It’s not my cousin who’s gay. It’s me.” I say quietly. Josh stops. He turns around, facing away from the bookshelf, and looks at me. “No problem.” He says.

After that, we finish our work and head back to the main desk. Some kids come in and we check out their books, Josh shows me how. Then the bell rings and I text Clair, letting her know where I’m at and that I already got my books. We agree to meet in front of Josh’s truck. Josh actually carries half of my textbooks to help me out. As he and I walked to his truck, all I can think of is why the hell do I feel like I need to get to know him better?

* * *

**Josh’s POV:**

As I walked with Alex to meet Clair in front of my truck, all I could think of was all the events that transpired today. His scars, his friendship with Clair, his coming out to me, the way he swam today in gym, his eyes…. No! I can’t go through this again! Why do I feel like need to get to know him better? Fuck…. I can’t let this happen again. No way…


	4. What’s This Feeling?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex, Clair, & Josh work together on a group project after school.

**Josh’s POV:**

Alex & I meet up with Clair in the student parking lot, right by my truck. She says goodbye to a friend of hers with pink & black hair. Alex hugs her and after we all say hi, we pile into my [truck](https://img.autobytel.com/car-reviews/autobytel/131768-10-best-4-door-trucks/2017_Toyota_Tacoma_TRD_Pro.jpg). I start the drive to my place. It’s only about a 10 minute drive, so I pulled up into the driveway in record time. We hop out and walk up to my door. I unlock it and let us all inside. “Y’all want something to drink?” I offer them. Clair smiles. “Sure. Whatcha got?” She asks. I open the fridge. “Water, coke, root beer, & sprite.” I tell them. “Sprite.” Clair says. “Root beer?” Alex asks. I nod and hand them their drinks. I grab myself a water. “Thanks.” They say. “No problem.” I say and then lead them up stairs towards my room where we can work on the project. “Holy shit…” I hear Alex whisper. I chuckle. “It’s big, I know. But you get used to it I guess.” I tell them as I take a right and go down the hall. I open the 2nd door on the left and let them [in](http://cdn.home-designing.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/simple-blue-bedroom.jpeg). “This is my room.” I can practically see their jaws drop at the balcony. “Damn!” Clair gasps. I laugh as I sit at my desk. “Feel free to sit anywhere.” I tell them as I grab my textbook & my algebra 2 notebook. Alex & Clair do the same as Clair plops onto my bed and Alex sits crisscross on the floor. 

We open up our books to chapter 7. “Alright, Chapter 7: Radical equations, expressions, & inequalities.” Clair reads out loud. “Alex, you’re the best at radical inequalities, so take that section. I’ll take radical expressions. Josh, that leaves you with radical equations, which should be easy.” Clair immediately takes charge of the project. Which doesn’t bother me. Hell yeah I’ll take the easy task. “Sure thing.” I tell her. Alex nods. “So the assignment says for us to put together a small presentation on the chapter, giving step-by-step instructions on how to solve the different kinds of problems from our chapter, 2 examples of each kind with their corresponding solutions, & present it all within a 15-minute time frame.” Alex quickly starts writing down multiple examples for radical inequalities and starts solving them, constantly looking back & forth between his notebook & textbook. An hour into working on this, Clair’s phone goes off. “Shit, it’s my mom. Hold on guys.” She excuses herself onto the balcony, closing the sliding glass door. “She knows she’s here right?” I ask Alex. He nods. “Yeah, Clair texted her earlier and asked for the 2 of us.” He explained. I nodded. Wait.. I look back at Alex. “She asked for the 2 of them?” I asked him, slightly confused. He sighed. “Her mom took me in after my parents died.” I nodded in understanding. I decided to get back to my problems, but got stuck. I guess it showed on my face. “Need help?” Alex chuckled lightly. “Yeah.” I admitted. “For some reason, the double negatives fuckin' confuse the shit outta me.” I told me. He laughed. “That’s pretty common actually. Here, let me see.” He gets up and comes up right next to me, leaning over my desk. I can smell his cologne. Fuck… 

He scribbles out some random-looking shit and then uses his pencil to point at his notes. “Ok, so here’s a trick. It’s called ‘Keep, Change, Change’. Basically you look at the equation, keep the sign of the first term, but change the sign of the next 2 terms.” He explains this as he shows me with the problem. Five minutes later, Clair is walking back inside. “Sorry guys, I’ve gotta go. Mom needs my help shopping for her cousin’s wedding gift. She can’t make it, but still wants to send them a wedding gift.” Alex started to go for his things. “Just me Alex. Mom is picking me up. Just be home by 9 she said.” Alex nodded. Clair gathered up her stuff. “I’ll have my mom pick up some posterboards at the store while we’re there. That way we can put all our different topics from chapter 7 together.” Clair told us. She then hugged Alex and told him she’d see him later. Then fist-bumped me. “See ya later.” She smiled and walked out. 

Alex laughs. “That girl kills me.” I smile. “Y’all are close then?” I ask. He nods. “Definitely. We’ve been side by side since 6th grade. Shortly after meeting her, I came out. She instantly became like, my bodyguard. It was hilarious. Anyone would would give off the slightest vibe that they didn’t like me because of that, she would stand up for me. She even dressed my wounds once we made it to high school.” He smiled fondly. His smile… it makes me smile too. For some reason. “Were your parents cool with it?” I asked, than I immediately back-peddled. “Crap, sorry, you probably don’t wanna talk about them.” He chuckled. “No, you’re fine. My parents were ok with me being gay. My mom hugged me, and my dad patted me on the shoulder. Both were proud that I was brave enough to tell them.” He tells me. Then laughs. “Why the sudden interest?” He asks. I shrug. “Well we have all 7 classes together and have to group together on things for those classes, I figured I would get to know you. I’m not like some of the other dumbass jocks at Clover HIgh. I actually like people.” I tell him. Why do I feel like I need to explain myself to him? Alex nods. “That's good to know.” He smiles. “So, back to this stupid math project. Do you need any more help?” Alex asked, getting us back on track to what we had planned to do. 

I looked back at my notebook. “I think I’ve pretty much got it. I’ll use the trick you showed me in my step-by-step of these equations, and then I have these 2 examples.” I tell him. “Cool.” He says. I pack up my school stuff and so does he. Then we kind of just sit there- me at my desk, Alex on my bed right across from me. “Wanna watch a movie or something? My folks gave me cash for food.” I suggest. Alex checks his phone. “Sure, why not? Clair and her mom will be shopping for gifts forever.” He jokes. I laugh and grab my phone. “Want pizza?” I ask him. He nods. “Sure dude. Pepperoni?” He asks. I nod. “Hell yeah.” I then call the pizza place we have here in town and order us 2 large pepperoni pizzas. I then turn on my tv and load up Netflix. “Whatcha wanna watch?” I ask. He grins and grabs the Xbox controller and starts scrolling through Netflix. “I bet you haven’t seen this. It’s such a good movie.” Alex explains. Next thing I know, he has the new Ted Bundy movie queued up. “I haven’t. Do you really wanna watch somethin’ you’ve already seen?” I ask. He nods. “I don’t mind as long as it’s good. And this movie definitely is.” We leave it paused on the title screen when we hear the doorbell go off. I go downstairs and pay the delivery guy. I bring the pizza and some more soda back up to my room to see that Alex is lying comfortably on my bed. Why does this sight make my chest pound? 

I force the feeling down and smile. “Two pepperoni pizzas!” I cheer. Alex laughs. “Awesome!” We then settle at the foot of my bed and hit play on the movie. Alex was right, this is a pretty good movie. We had the first pizza destroyed by the end of the movie. It was about 6:30, so I looked at Alex. “Wanna just watch some shows or something ‘til you gotta head home? I’ll drive you.” I asked him. I can’t explain it, but I just wanted to spend more time with him. Alex smiled. “Sure.” Then he takes the controller and scrolls to find something. He chooses Criminal Minds. I smile. “You like this show?” He asked. I nodded. “Yeah.” He picks a random episode and we dive right in to more pizza and our sodas. After 2 episodes, I start to feel Alex leaning on my shoulder. I can’t help but look at his lips. Fuck… This can’t be happening again. I glance at my phone. “It’s 8:00 Alex.” I gently nudge him. He lifts his head. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to doze off.” He rambles off an apology. “You’re just… kind of comfy.” He admits, looking down. Is… Is that a blush?? I push down any thoughts and waved him off. “Don’t worry man. Here, let me help you with all your stuff and drive you home.” I offer and then stand up. I offer him my hand. He accepts it & I help him up. He stumbles though and it’s a split second, but I catch him. He instantly grabs at my arms to try and steady himself. The blush on his face is hard to ignore. He starts to ramble out another apology, but I can’t help myself...

* * *

**Alex’s POV:**

Fuck, first I fell asleep on his broad shoulders, now I almost fell on the guy! I’m holding onto his muscular arms. God, I can feel my face heating up. “I’m really sorry. I guess I’m just really tired. I really didn’t mean to--” I’m cut off my the most surprising thing that has happened all day….

Josh fucking KISSES me!!


	5. Self-Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of their kiss...

****

**Alex’s POV:**

For a moment, all I felt were soft lips on my own. I melted. Eyes closed, I let it happen. Next thing I know, Josh pulls away with this look of absolute fear. Okay, more like he jumps back a few feet away from me. “Shit! I’m sorry!” He immediately starts apologizing. Fuck… He really looks like he’s about to combust at any second. I hold up my hands. “Josh, it’s ok. I’m just shocked is all. It wasn’t bad.” I admit to him. He plops onto his bed, head in his hands. I hesitate just a moment before sitting next to him. After a few minutes, Josh still refuses to lift his head. “Hey,” I nudge him. He finally looks up at me. “It’s ok. I swear.” I smile. “Wanna talk some?” I ask gently. He sighs. “Y-Yeah.” He stutters out. I wait for him to start. He sighs again. “How come I’ve only known you for a day, but can’t let go of all these sudden feelings?” He asks. “I’ve tried so hard to bury this shit, but then I saw you and I couldn’t get you out of my damn head.” He says exasperated. For now, I put aside the me part, deciding to freak out about that later. I place my hand hesitantly on his shoulder. He doesn’t make a move to shrug me off, so I continue. “Some things you just have to let happen. Burying it can even make things worse.” I tell him. “But I also know just how hard this thing is. I knew for a whole year & a half before I even told a soul. I… I did some pretty harmful things because I couldn’t deal with it at first. Took me almost that whole year & a half to say it out loud to myself in the mirror.” I found myself telling Josh something only Clair knows.

Josh looked at me, wide-eyed. “Seriously?” I nodded. “I wasn’t always ok with being gay. But I learned that with time, everything panned out.” I smiled at Josh. He actually smiled back. “You have no idea how much hearing that helps.” He chuckles off a nervous laugh. “But I think a year & a half is a whole lot better than the time I’ve spent burying my shit.” I shake my head. “Everyone deals with their sexuality in their own time.” I tell Josh. He nods, then looks at me. “You didn’t pull away.” He says. I can feel my face heating up. “No, I didn’t. I guess I’m in the same boat as you. Only after a day, I feel like I can just talk forever with you.” I admit to him. He actually smiles. “Glad to know I’m not alone.” I nod. “It’s a good feeling, let me tell you.” I chuckle. “Well, you need to get home, so let me drive you.” He says. I nod. We grab all of my stuff and walk down to Josh’s truck. 

He starts the engine & we head off towards mine & Clair’s house. Small town, so everyone pretty much knows where each other lives. We make it there with about 5 minutes to spare. Josh puts his truck into park and turns towards me. “So what does this all mean?” He asks me. I sigh. “Well, you definitely like guys, but let me ask you his. Do you still like girls? Like, are you attracted to them in a romantic or sexual way?” I ask him. He blushes lightly. “Not really…” He trails off. I reach for his hand. “Then I think you already know what this means.” I say. He nods. “Yeah. Hey, can you keep this between us?” He asks me. The look in his eyes tells me he’s at his most vulnerable- which is saying a lot. I nod. “I know how tough this all can be. You have my word. I won’t tell a soul.” I assure him. 

He smiles. “Thanks man. I mean it. But hey, I know you and Clair are close. With what you said about her earlier tonight, I’d be ok if you wanted to tell her.” I look at him shocked. “Are you sure?” I ask him. He nods. Then he looks down, seeming to be hesitant about something. Before I can ask, his next words surprised the shit outta me. “Can I kiss you again?” I nod kinda fast as I can feel myself blushing like mad. We lean in closer and I close my eyes. When our lips meet for the 2nd time today, my knees feel like they’ve melted away, and I can literally feel the world fade away. After what feels like an eternity, we pull away. That’s when I realize his hand is cupping my face. I smile and lean into his hand. “You should probably go inside now.” He chuckles. I laugh. “Probably.” I then take a shot in the dark. “What does this make us?” I ask shyly. He swallows a lump in his throat. 

* * *

**Josh’s POV:**

Alex looks at me, his eyes hold me in. he looks nervous. “What does this make us?” He asks. I gulp, then take a deep breath. “I really like you Alex. You make me feel things that I’m still kind of scared to feel. But you also make those feelings less scary. I also like kissing you, & I wanna keep kissin’ you.” I smile at his deep blushing face, which makes me feel better about my own reddening face. “So I guess…” I take another breath. “Will you be my boyfriend?” I ask him. He smiles. “Yes.” He says. I sigh in relief as I give him a quick peck on his lips. “You’ll have to work with me though.” I chuckle. “This is all new to me. Plus, I kinda don’t want anyone to know yet...” I trail off, silently hoping he’ll understand. He looks at me. “Of course I understand. It’s your decision who to tell & when. As for the pace thing, I understand that too. We’ll take this at our own speed.” He assures me. I smile. “It’s crazy how all of this happened in one fuckin’ day.” I joke, my accent a bit thick. Alex laughs. “Yeah, but somehow, I think we’re just getting started.” I laugh, Alex always seemed to know how to brighten up my mood. I kiss his cheek before letting him hop out of my truck. “See ya later baby.” He says, blushing. I smirk. “See ya later babe.” He blushes harder as he starts walking to his & Clair’s house. I make sure he gets inside safely before driving off & heading home. 

Once I’m home, I find myself lying on my bed, today’s events replaying in my head. Fuck, I really screwed myself by running from these feelings all these years. I know Clair can keep a secret, but I’m slightly worried about Brad. Should I tell him? Guy can read me like a book since we’ve known each other for so long. He already knows about my struggles in the past, so I guess I’m not worried about Brad keeping my secret, or if he’ll be ok with it or not- I know he’ll probably be just fine. I guess I’m just worried about my own courage to tell my best friend. Can I even say the words out loud? I think that’s what worries me the most. I decide to drink some water and take a shower to clear my head. I hope out and change into a pair of grey sweatpants and text Alex. 

_Josh- Hey, do you wanna meet up early & eat breakfast in my truck? I can grab us some breakfast burritos & we can chill in my truck before anyone else gets there. Clair obviously is invited as well._

_Alex- Sounds fun! :) I’ll let Clair know to wake up earlier._

_Josh- Sweet. Night babe._

_Alex- Night baby._

* * *

**Alex’s POV:**

Black Veil Brides’ “Perfect Weapon” wakes me up around 5:30 am. I shut off my alarm & sit up, waiting for Clair to walk in to make sure I’m actually awake. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… “Alex. you awake?” She asks, walking in. I laugh at how routine this is. I nod. “Yeah, let me shower & change. Ok?” She nods. “Alright.” She then heads back to her own room. Thank god she’s calmed down now. She was so giddy last night when I told he what happened with Josh. Kept claiming she knew it & blah blah blah. I just sat there, laughing & blushing. She was excited when Josh offered us breakfast in his truck. I’m honestly so lucky to have her. I hop in the shower for about 10 minutes, dry off, and then change into my dark ripped blue jeans, my [Of Mice & Men shirt](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/42/94/04/429404241db478ee249911f059140cf9.jpg), my brown combat boots (I’m an emo country boy today apparently), my black [hoodie with pins](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f5/e0/45/f5e04513b1ec235f8d58d1cec8bde480.jpg), & put in my Of Mice & Men [plugs](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/69/0e/c0/690ec056ef27f9c935f1fc805f810e54.jpg). I flat iron my hair and put on my black beanie. I stuff my thin, long sleeve black shirt and my MCR swim trunks into my AA messenger bag, along with Josh’s extra trunk to give back to him.

I walk into Clair’s room to see her colors of the day are [black & green](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/04/c4/52/04c452d8cbc2920c8d3a90a2ad113253--emo-outfits-club-outfits.jpg), which when paired with her hair, definitely shows that this girl loves Halloween & can’t wait for it to come next month. I see she’s changed her nose stud to a green ring, and she’s wearing her new [belt](https://hottopic.scene7.com/is/image/HotTopic/12031757_hi?%24productTileDesktop%24) from Hot Topic. She grabs her swimsuit and puts into her bag. Then her and I headed downstairs. Clair’s mom had already left for work, so we just started walking towards the school parking lot where Josh would be parked with breakfast, waiting for us. I locked the front door, and texted Josh that we were walking and would be there in about 15 minutes. He texted back a smiley face and said ok. 

As soon as we got close, we could see that Josh’s truck was the only car here so far. Considering school doesn’t start for an hour, just about tells you how many of Clover High’s finest love their sleep. We walk up to Josh’s truck and before I can do anything to let him know I’m here, he opens the doors and we climb in- me in the passenger seat, and Clair in the back passenger seat. Josh kisses my cheek and hands each of us a breakfast burrito & we dig in. “Thanks Josh.” Clair says, I nod in agreement. We enjoy the burritos and then just relax before we have to go anywhere. Clair’s phone then goes off. She looks at it & smiles. “Hey guys, I’m gunna meet up with a friend of mine. I’ll see you in Algebra 2.” She thanks Josh again for breakfast and then hops out of the truck. We look at each other before shrugging. Josh finally leans in to kiss me. “Is this why we’re here early?” I ask with a cheeky grin. He nods. “Maybe.” I chuckle and kiss him again. Soon, after a few minutes of making out, we hear the sounds of car engines beginning to enter the student parking lot. I smile at Josh and kiss his cheek. “See you in class.” He nods and I hop out of his truck before anyone can see me. 

I make my way to my locker to see Clair saying bye to her friend with the pink and black hair. I walk up to her. “Who’s that?” I ask. “My friend Bailey.” She tells me and I pretend to not notice the blush lightly coating her cheeks. I leave my algebra 2 & history books in my bag and leave the rest in my locker. I can stop by it with Josh on our way to chemistry. She discards most of her books as well and we make our way to Mr. Randall’s class. Again, her, Josh, & I sit together. Since Clair’s mom bought us poster boards that are at our house still, we just use scrap paper to plan how we are going to design our poster boards. Soon, the bell rings & we head to gym. We get to the locker rooms and split off from Clair. 

I hand Josh his spare trunks that I had borrowed yesterday. Then I grab my gym clothes from my bag and shove my bag into my gym locker. All the other guys start filing in, so I take this chance while I’m still semi-invisible to slip into an empty stall to change. I put on my thin, long sleeve black shirt and my MCR swim trunks and then take a silent deep breath before exiting the stall and heading to my gym locker to stuff my clothes and shoes next to my bag. I can feel a few eyes on me, but I try real hard to ignore them. I look up as I’m walking to the locker room exit and lock eyes with Josh. He sends me a small smile before looking away to continue talking to Brad. 

I make my way to the pool, and find Clair. Coach signals all guys to swim at least 15 laps back and forth & all girls to swim at least 10. So Clair and I swim our number of laps in the lanes right next to each other. Clair actually went onto do like, 20 laps. I tapped out at like, 17. Haha. I glance at Josh to see him & his buddies swimming crazy fast laps. I guess that’s why Brad & him are Captain & Vice Captain. I continue to chill and watch Clair. They’re actually having tryouts for the swim teams next week and Clair has her heart set on joining the team. I’ll go to cheer her on. Coach blows his whistle and I look up. He’s calling all guys in the class to the right side of the pool and all the girls to the left side. He looks at me with this disapproving look. Is it because he thinks I swim weird? Or is it because of my long-sleeved shirt? I shrug it off and get to the guys’ side. Brad actually acknowledges me with a nod. I nod back, not knowing what else to do. 

Coach blows his whistle again to quiet down all the talking from both sides. “Today, for the last remaining 20 minutes of class, you’ll be playing water polo girls versus boys.” He then goes on to very briefly explain the rules. I sigh, knowing this is going to suck because I’m terrible at sports. Brad slaps his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t look so bummed dude.” He smiles, obviously excited about this game. Then signals his head with a nod towards Josh. Josh nods back. “Alright guys. I want you guys to …” He then goes on to instruct all of us guys like the natural leader he is. He grants me mercy & puts me in a spot that would be pretty hard for the girls to aim the ball at. The next 20 minutes go by smoothly, the ball aimed straight for me only once, and Lukas actually saves me from getting hit in the face. The guys won by 2 points, so other than almost getting hit in the face, I guess the game was kinda fun. I thank Lukas as we all hop out of the pool. Clair smiles at me as she walks towards the girls’ locker room. The guys all file into the locker room. I grab my clothes from my gym locker and head towards the showers. Thank god there are curtains and walls sectioning off each shower head. 

* * *

**Josh’s POV:**

As Alex heads to the showers, the rest of the guys start undressing and grabbing their towels for showers too. Soon, we’re all one by one showered. But Alex hasn’t left his shower stall yet. Most of the guys have left while I wait for Brad & Lukas. All of a sudden I see Alex exit his shower stall completely changed back into his non-gym class clothes. I look at him. He shrugs. Brad and Lukas apparently saw that too. “You changed in there? How did you not get your clothes all wet?” Lukas asked Alex. Alex shrugged again. “It's not that difficult actually. Just kept them out of the direction of the shower head.” He explained. They nodded like they understood even though I know those guys would have never thought about that. 

Alex and I headed to our history class, but he needed to stop by his locker and switch out some of his books. Since the 4 of us had classes next to each other, Lukas & Brad walked alongside us- as did Clair so of course her and Alex were talking among themselves as we were walking. I had to stop myself from almost glancing to long at his ass. I’m pretty sure I caught Brad smirking. I roll my eyes and just continue walking my way to U.S. History. We sit at our desks, and Clair, Alex, & I just work on chapter questions. The bell rings and Alex and I head to Chemistry. But before then, I lead him to the bathroom next to the stairwell. For some reason, not a lot of people use this one. So I’m not surprised to find it empty. I lean in and kiss him. It doesn’t last as long as I would have liked, but it still left me breathless. He smiles up at me. “Couldn’t wait, could you?” He asked with a grin. I shrugged. “Nope.” He chuckles. He pecks my lips real quick before we hear someone approaching, so we act like nothing happened as some random dude walks in. Alex and I take this moment to head to chemistry. We sit at the same table station as yesterday, Brad & Lukas already there, and do the day’s lab worksheet. The rest of the day is pretty much uneventful.

It’s last period, Alex is stocking library shelves as I’m running the main desk. I just can’t stop thinking about Alex and everything that has happened since yesterday. I also can’t stop thinking about what would happen if people were to find out. Brad already sort of knows about my struggles with sexuality, but how would everyone else act? My parents would go ape shit for sure. Coach and the rest of the guys? I don’t even want to think about that. It’s the final bell and Alex and I walk out to meet Clair by my truck. “Hey guys!” She says with a huge smile. And I also notice she’s holding poster boards. “When did you...?” Alex tries asking, but she cuts him off. “I had my mom come by last period to drop these off. I figure since we’ve already planned out each of our parts of the presentation, we can just work on our poster boards separately. Then when it comes to the day they’re actually do & we need to present, we’ll have everything we need pieced together.” Clair explains. We nod. I take mine and put it in the back of my truck along with my bag. “Y’all need a ride home?” I ask. Clair shakes her head. “Mom is actually waiting for us. Since she came here to drop these off, she figured she would just stay the extra 15 or so minutes and drive Alex & I home.” Clair said. 

I nodded and hesitantly looked around us, no one was around seeing as though we were standing on the side of my truck where no one could really see us, and I quickly pecked Alex’s lips. “See ya later then.” I said, trying not to focus on how red my cheeks felt. I then hopped in my truck and waved them off as I started my drive home. I got home, put my school stuff by my desk and sat on my bed. And immediately started freaking out. Fuck…

I was really letting myself do this. I was really not running away from these feelings. I kissed Alex. In the bathroom where anyone could have seen. At my truck where anyone could have easily walked around and seen. I liked him though. I really liked Alex a lot. This feels so much heavier & real than the last time I struggled with finding another guy attractive. And shit… Now that I remember, I think Brad actually caught me trying not to look at Alex’s ass. I need to stop and breathe. I tried a few times, but it just keeps getting harder and harder. I decide to call Brad in my freaked out, can barely breathe state. “What’s up dude?” He answers. I can barely get it out but, “I… Need.. to talk…” I can feel tears threatening to fall. All I can think about is people rejecting me because of how Alex makes me feel. “Josh? Josh??” Brad snaps me out of it. “I’m coming over ok? I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I acknowledge that I heard him and we hang up. Fifteen minutes later, I hear Brad walking into my house, he knows where we hide the spare house key- has known since we were in middle school.

I hear him trudge up my stairs and make his way to my room. I hear him knock before telling him to come in with a strangled breath. He takes one look at me and it’s like he knows exactly how I’m feeling and what’s going on in my brain. “Is this about Alex?” He asks calmly. I just nod, not looking at him anymore. He sits next to me. “Josh, look at me.” 

* * *

**Brad’s POV:**

(Shocked ya didn’t I? Lol -Author.)

It takes a few tries to get Josh to look at me, but he finally does a few minutes after my 4th attempt. I clasp a hand on his shoulder. “First off, you should never feel like this when you wanna tell me something. Ok?” He nods. “I mean it.” I assure him. He takes a deep breath. “Talk to me about Alex. You can, I want you to know that man.” I tell him. He closes his eyes. “We kissed. A f-few times.” He quietly admits. “I couldn’t put it together on how only after a single day, he’s affected me the way he has. But, I…” He breathes again. “I like him… a lot.” He whispers the last sentence. I smile at him. “Josh, that’s a good thing. I know you’ve been struggling with this for a while, and honestly, I could tell just from looking at you 2 today & yesterday that something was bound to happen.” 

Josh looks at me. “Seriously?” He asks. I chuckle. “Dude, I caught you staring at his ass today.” He groans. “I thought you fuckin’ saw that.” We laugh together for a good minute before we calm back down. “Josh, I serious. No matter what, you’re my best friend. I’ve got your back. On, and off the field.” I emphasize to him. He smiles and nods. “Thanks Brad. I’m just worried about everyone else, ya know? Coach and the guys, my parents, kids at school, all of them.” He tells me, & I can feel him getting stressed again. “Dude, calm down. Listen, you’re Captain for a reason. You’re the best. They can’t kick you off without a valid reason. Being gay isn't one, and you’re actually pretty decent in all your classes.” I half-joked at the end. He shoved my shoulder. “Fuck off.” He smiles. “I know all that. But even then, still won’t stop the guys or Coach from giving me a hard time. My parents could still go ape shit.” I stop him. “You’ve got me, Lukas I don’t think would give a fuck. Alex will obviously be there for you, which I’m sure means Clair is in your corner as well. If it gets out, then you show everyone that you can kiss dudes & still kick ass.” I tell him, hoping to get his spirits up. 

Josh nods, smiling once more. “Thanks Brad. I hope you’re right.” I smile. “And as for your parents, you know you’ve got a spot on my floor.” I laugh. He does too. “Thanks.” Then I decide to switch topics. “So what exactly are you and Alex?” I ask. He actually fuckin’ BLUSHES! “We’re dating, in secret of course.” He tells me, looking anywhere but at me. I sigh. “You can look at me while talking about Alex dude.” He chuckles, but in a ‘pathetic’ kind-of-way. “Yeah, I know.” He says, finally looking at me again. “Is he ok with that though? It being a secret?” I ask. Josh smiles. “Yeah, and I’m super grateful. He told me he understands and is letting me move at my own pace.” I nod. “That’s good man. I’m happy for you.” I tell him. “So,” I decided to change the subject slightly. “I noticed both Alex & you came to chemistry after Lukas and I, but your guys’ 3rd period is closer than ours is.” I smirk at him. He tries to hide his face, but it’s to no avail. He looks at me as he rubs the back of his neck. 

“Yeah, about that. I kind of couldn’t help myself and pulled him into that bathroom no one ever uses to kiss him.” I chuckle. “Sneaking kisses at school already.” I joke. He shoves me while laughing himself. “Shut up.” But he’s smiling. “How is it? Ya know, kissing Alex instead of all those girls I mean.” I asked him. He looks at me. “Honestly, I lose all sense of the world around me when I kiss Alex. With those girls, it was practically the polar opposite. I was always aware of my surroundings and not really focused on the girl herself. Kinda shitty, I know, but I was so worried about how to look like a guy who had his shit together rather than the real mess I am.” He smiles. “Alex has softer lips than any girl I’ve ever kissed. And every single time, I can feel myself getting looser. Any tenseness I have just falls away. I can get addicted very easily to that feeling.” Josh tells me. Then his eyes go wide, he clasps his hand over his mouth, and runs to the bathroom attached to his room and shuts the door. I sighed and walked over to the door. “Josh?” I call out. No answer. “Josh?” I try again. “I can’t believe I actually said that.” He barely whispered. I feel him slide down the door, sitting against it. I do the same. 

I take a breath before starting. “Come on Josh. I know this may be hard to realize, but it’s not going to go away. I'm actually glad you felt like you could tell me how kissing Alex makes you feel. I’m happy you know you can talk to me." It a few moments of silence before I hear him take a deep breath of his own. “I know it won’t go away. I actually don’t want it to. That's what's scary. I don’t want to lose how Alex makes me feel. . I'm just .... afraid. Afraid of being harassed, of being kicked out of all the sports teams I'm in. I'm afraid that my parents will kick me out. I know they don't pay much attention, but still. I’m not used to being this afraid Brad." He finally told me. I was shocked. He wasn't denying anything, he was just scared of losing everything. "You don't have to be afraid. You're the best in all 3 teams that you're Captain of, Coach knows that. Plus, most guys are afraid of you kicking their ass, so they will most likely not mess with you. And even if you you lose most of 'the guys', you still have your REAL friends. Clair, Lukas, and me. Plus, you'll have Alex." I was trying to soothe him, reminding him once again of the support he has. Apparently, it worked because he unlocked the door and we both stood up. Josh automatically hugged me. "Thanks." He whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know most people don't accept themselves so easily, personally, it took me years to be ok with who I am. Josh is simply a representation of someone who's run away from who he is and has trouble not only accepting it, but accepting the fact that one day other people will know about him.  
> I'm not at all saying that everyone feels self-acceptance right away or that everyone takes a while. It all depends on that one person. So while some parts of this story seem a little fast-paced, please know that the attraction between the 2 teens is supposed to be a fast-growing attraction. But their journey will be anything but fast-paced. At least, that's what I'm aiming for lol.


	6. Best Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh "freaks out", Brad tries to help, but ultimately calls someone who he knows can help Josh more.

***1 Week Later***

** Alex’s POV:  **

I wake up to a good morning text from Josh. I smile as I reply, telling him I’ll see him soon. This past week has been pretty great. The football team won their game last Friday and they apparently had this semi-wild party to celebrate. He wanted me to come, but I told him maybe next time. I don’t want to pressure him into any situations where he might out himself before he’s ready. And a small town high school kegger? Yeah… I think drunk Josh might not give as many shits as sober Josh does. He smiled at me when I told him all that. He said then at the next party/bonfire he’ll watch himself more carefully. I thought it was a sweet sentiment. I get dressed in a BVB shirt with a black long sleeve underneath, black skinny jeans, my black combat boots, my BVB beanie, & my assortment of band wristbands. I flat iron my hair, and pop in some black tunnels in my ears. I even put on my black eyeliner. 

I meet Clair in the kitchen, texting someone with a huge smile on her smile. I grin as I walk past her to grab something to drink. “Who ya textin?” I ask happily. She looks up and puts her phone away. “Oh, hey Alex. No one, just a classmate.” I look at her. “Mm-hm.” I go. She rolls her eyes. “About time you’re ready. We have to get going.” She tells me. I nod along as we walk to school. We brought the poster boards today, Josh, Clair, & I finished them 3 nights ago. We present in class, we’re the 3rd group to present in the classic “luck of the draw” game teachers love playing. In gym, Coach actually makes an announcement about the swim team tryouts. I can just see Clair get excited. They’re tomorrow after school, because I want to support Clair, and maybe get a chance to see Josh shirtless, I’ll go watch. Hey, can you blame me? Gym right now is the only time I’ve ever seen Josh shirtless. Unfortunately, that’s true for him about me too. Anyways, the rest of the day is pretty ordinary. I eat lunch with Clair, who’s phone keeps going off, but I chose to ignore it for now. Clair and I are close, but I won’t press her with questions. That night, Clair & I are watching Netflix when my phone rings…

* * *

** Brad’s POV: **

After practice today, Josh & I are hanging out at his place, his parents get back the day after tomorrow, so we’re drinkin’ some beers as we watch some sports movie on tv. So far, we’ve only had 1 beer each. I plan on having to drive home tonight, so my 2nd beer will be my last. It’s kind of boring after a while, so I ask Josh how he & Alex are doing. He nods. “Pretty good. You know I invited him to the kegger the night we won the game, but he said he didn’t want to pressure me into any situations where I might out myself before I’m ready. Which was super nice and all, but I can’t help but feel like I’m keeping him from being happy. Ya know? Like, he came out and everything, and now he has to hide the fact that he’s happy because of me.” And here comes tipsy Josh. When he’s drinking, Josh acts 1 of 2 ways: He’s either gets super fun & wild, or he gets pretty touchy-feely and honest. It really depends on his mood and how much he’s drunk. He’s on his 3rd beer, plus the fact being that he & I are pretty close, he’s being the ‘honest & touchy-feely’ type of tipsy. 

I look at him. “Josh, man, you told me Alex didn’t mind.” I said. Josh nodded. “He said he doesn’t. I guess since he’s been in my shoes before, but still. We walk around school, and I just gotta pretend to be acquaintances with him.” I nodded along, listening to him. “So, does this mean you wanna come out?” I ask him seriously. “Because that's what this all sounds like.” His head whips around to look at me so fast, I thought he might’ve twisted it wrong. But nope. He just stares at me. “No. Well, I don’t know. I just… wanna hold his hand when we’re not hiding behind walls. I wanna talk to him anywhere and not feel like I have to look over my shoulder.” He’s spiraling. “Brad, I… I don’t know what it is exactly that I want. I just know I want him.” I look at my best friend. We’ve known each other for years. And right now, I can tell he’s about to have a break down. Before I can say anything, Josh starts again.

He looks at me. I put my hand on his shoulder. “I’m glad you finally found someone you can truly be happy with. But right now, it sounds like you’re not happy with the fact that you have to hide.” He looks scared now. I hate seeing Josh like this. He’s normally the one with his head on his shoulders, confident in everything he did and would do, smiling and not a single care in the world, just played his sports, and played them well. Right at this moment though, he looks like he’s about to throw up. “Brad I…” He lurches up and runs for his bathroom. I try to follow him, but the door slams shut. I can hear him heaving. I sighed and leaned against the door. “Josh, you good bro?” I hear him groan. “I really like him Brad… But I don’t know if I can handle everyone knowing.” He says just above a rasp. “Then don’t tell anyone. You know I definitely won’t tell. And I’m sure Alex isn’t going to pressure you anytime soon.” I tell him, trying to calm him down. But I can still hear his heavy breathing. Shit, he’s really panicking now. He didn’t take his phone with him, so I use my phone to dial Alex. 

* * *

** Alex’s POV: **

I pick up my phone to see it’s an unknown number. I answer it, ready to hang back up if it was a sales call. “Alex?” I hear. “Brad?” I answer him, confused on why he would be calling me or how he even got my number. Clair looks at me and tilts her head. “What do you want?” I ask, still unsure if he knows about Josh & I. He’s pretty chill around me, but I guess trusting people is just not easy for me. Mostly, Josh is a pretty different case. I hear Brad sigh. “I need to talk to you.” I take a deep breath. “Look, if it’s to tell me to stay away from Josh because he’s ‘not like that’ or else, you can stop right now.” Clair looks at me, silently asking if I’m ok. I nod. Not a second later, Brad is responding. “Alex, I actually need your help. Well, it’s more like Josh who needs you.” Huh, wait… “What?” I say, confused. He sighs. “Look, I know all about you guys. He told me. I’m happy for him, but right now he’s genuinely freaking out. I can’t get through to him, but I was hoping you could.” I was up and done with whatever I was doing. “Can you get a ride over here?” He asks. I nod, then realized he can’t fuckin’ see me. “Yes. I’ll there soon.” He thanks me and then we hang up. 

I look over to Clair, whose face is filled with worry. “Josh is freaking out, Brad thinks I can help. Can you borrow your mom’s car and drive me over?” I ask. She bolts off the couch and dashes for her mom’s room. She comes back moments later, jingling her mom’s car keys. “I told her you were invited to stay the night at a friend’s house last minute, but she was happy to hear you’re making friends, so get changed and then meet me in the car.” I laugh and nod. “Wait, change?” I ask. She laughs back. “Unless you wanna save your boyfriend wearing boxers and a Band muscle tank, I would advise you to change. I blush and run to my room. Fuck, I almost left the house with a good 80% of my scars showing… It’s like Josh makes me forget about all that shit. I put on skinny jeans, my combat boots, and put on my favorite thin hoodie. It at least covers my scars. I make sure I have my phone on me as I dash out the door and into Clair’s mom’s car where Clair is waiting for me in the driver's seat.

She smiles wide as she backs out of the driveway. She starts driving towards Josh’s house. As soon as she pulls up to the curb, she puts the car in park and gives me a huge hug. “I love you Alex. Go be there for your guy. I covered for you with mom already, so just worry about Josh.” I nodded. “Thanks Clair. I love you too. Forever & always.” I hop out of the car with my bag of spare clothes and toothbrush and jog (more like sprint) up to Josh’s door. I hear Clair drive off as I ring the doorbell. Brad answers the door and pulls me in. “Thank fuck dude. He needs you.” He doesn’t relent his grip even a little as we go upstairs. Fuck, my sleeve is rolling up… 

We’re close to the top of the stairs when his fingers brush over some of the scars on my wrist. It doesn’t hurt since they are older, but I still hiss at the contact. Guess it’s been a while since anything besides cloth has touched them. “What the…” Brad stops. He grabs my wrist and pulls it towards him. He inspects it for just a second before looking me in the eye. “Does Josh know?” I simply just nod. Brad sighs and decides to just continue dragging me to Josh rooms, more carefully this time I might add. He doesn’t even bother to knock on the door. But when we enter, I don’t see Josh. Brad points to the bathroom door. I walk up to the door quietly. “Josh, baby?” I whisper. I hear his breath hitch. “A-Alex?” He asks meekly. “Yeah, it’s me. Can you open the door?” I ask slowly. I hear the sink start running and then it stops. Next, there’s a click and then the door opens and what I see shocks me. Josh is pale, wearing a frown, and looks like he might throw up. By the look of him, I think he might have already, maybe that’s why I hear the sink. 

I wrap my arms around his neck. “It’s going to be ok baby.” He just nods. “I-I’m scared.” He tells me just above a whisper. I lean back and take hold of his hand and lead him over to his bed. I sit down and urge him to do the same. He does. “Talk to me Josh.” I plead. I never let go of his hand, I can see Brad out of the corner of my eye watching us. “I hate that I have to hide how you make me feel Alex. But I’m also scared of everything I could possibly lose. But above all else, I don’t want to lose you.” He tells me, his face slightly flushed. I give his hand a gentle squeeze. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do baby.” I assure him. “And you’re not going to Josh. I’m staying right here, whether or not you want to tell anyone about us.” I smile at him and he smiles back. “God, do you know how much you captivate me?” I laugh, “I think it was me who was first captivated by you. I mean, fuck, my first day I saw you shirtless swimming. Do you realize it should be illegal to look as hot as you do?” He laughs. Like, a genuine, all stress melting away & all tenseness gone, kind of laugh. Next thing I know, he kisses me. Or I kissed him. My mind goes blank and I can’t remember exactly who kissed who first. 

Our lips just fall into sync with each other. My arms wrap around Josh’s neck, his wrap around my waist. When we part, we’re both breathless. “Ahem.” We look back to see Brad smirking. “Well I guess I should leave now. Alex, thanks man. I’m glad my best friend is finally happy for real. And thanks for also taking care of him.” I blushed, but Josh blushed harder. I guess from just now realizing that we may have just made out in front of his best friend. Brad laughs. “Your faces are priceless.” He’s smiling though, which is good. “Well, I’m gonna head out. See y’all later.” Brad waves and then heads out of Josh’s room, down the stairs, and we faintly hear the front door open & close. Josh smiles my way. “So Brad called you I’m guessing?” He asked. I nodded. He sighs with a smile. “I’m really glad I have him too, ya know?” I nod. “Yeah, I do.” I smile and peck his lips. 

* * *

** Brad’s POV: **

I make my way to my car, smiling to myself (after everything that happened, the 2 beers- well more like 1 & half beers- have lost their effect). I really do like Alex. I’m also happy to see Josh being himself. Maybe one day, I can be just as brave… I shake the thought off. Save it for another time. Right now, I’m just happy for Josh & Alex. I don’t even think they see it yet, but I did. They were practically destined by fate to meet. Josh needed someone like Alex to show him how to be ok with who he is, and Alex I believe needs Josh to show him life in a small town doesn’t have to suck. I pull into my driveway, walk into the house to be greeted by my younger siblings. I laugh as my house settles in for the night.

* * *

** Alex’s POV: **

Josh and I continue kissing for a tiny bit longer after Brad leaves. Josh & I pull back when we need another breath. “Hey,” Josh looks at me. “When do I have to take you home?” He asks me. I grin. “You don’t.” He looks at me, puzzled. “Clair covered for me in order to drive me here. I’m supposedly staying the night at a new friend’s house.” Josh grins just as wide as I am, maybe even possibly more. I laugh & so does he. It’s just so easy to feel this at ease with each other. 

We settle on his bed as he puts on Netflix. I blush. “So I brought clothes for tomorrow, but I forgot to grab pj's. I was pretty much just rushing to get over here.” He chuckles. “Wanna just borrow some pj pants tonight?” He asks me. I blush and nod. He gets up and walks over to his dresser and pulls out some grey & dark blue flannel pj pants. We take this time to change into our pjs. I go to change in his bathroom, when I froze. Josh must have noticed I’m tense because he asks me, “What’s wrong babe?” I turn around, looking down at my feet. “Do you mind if I borrow a shirt too? I’m actually wearing a muscle tank under my hoodie.” I tell him, my voice wavering. I suddenly feel his arms around me. “Alex, you don’t have to hide them from me. If you wanna wear a different shirt, I won’t stop you of course. But I want you to know, I’ll kiss each and every one of them. I’ll make you see all the beautiful things about you that I see. Inside and out. And you can count on me doing that everyday.” 

I can already feel the tears going down my face. I also feel his arms move from around me to cupping my face and bringing it up to face him. I gasp when I see his eyes are watering. “I care about you so much Alex.” I smile as tears fall. I say nothing as I throw myself into his arms. He just holds me as the tears continued to fall. No one, aside from Clair, has seen this part of me. Not even her mom. She’s seen me at some bad times, but never during the moments where I’m breaking down to this extent. 

After a few minutes, I pull away. I go to wipe my eyes, but Josh beats me to it. “Thank you.” I whisper. He shakes his head. “No need to thank me babe. I’ll always be here for you.” He kisses my cheek. “I’ll get you a shirt if you want.” He tells me, but as soon as he moves 1 step in the direction of his dresser, I grab his wrist. He looks back at me. “Alex?” He questions. I shake my head. “I changed my mind. I don’t need to borrow I shirt.” I told Josh with a shaky breath. He smiles at me. “You know you don’t have to do that. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. We can take steps in time.” He tells me, now holding both of my hands. He gives me a reassuring squeeze. “But not even Clair has said that to me. One- it’d be kinda weird if she did.” We both chuckle. “Two- she’s only ever said something along the lines of what you said, but it came from a best friend point of view of course. So yeah, no one has actually ever said those words to me. It… It makes me really happy.” Josh smiles and kisses my forehead. I smile too and let go of his hands after another reassuring gentle squeeze from Josh. I smile once more before going to the bathroom to put on his pj's pants. 

I exit the bathroom wearing my tank top, hoodie, and his pj pants. I’m holding my jeans, socks, & boots. I put them in my bag and set my boots right next to Josh’s shoes. I see him waiting for me. Sitting on the edge of his bed. I smile as I walk towards him. Before anything else, I take a deep breath and I unzip my hoodie all the way. I shrug it off and toss it over my bag near his desk. It lands on top of my bag. Now I stand in front of my boyfriend of just about a week, with about 80% of my scars showing. It’s not all of them, but it’s the most anyone has ever seen. Clair hasn’t even seen all of them. I finally look Josh in the eye. He gets up and wraps his arms around me. He kisses me tenderly. Then proceeds every single scar on my arms & wrists. Then he gently traces his fingers along the scars on my sides & hips. Since I’m wearing a muscle tank, the only scars he can’t really see are the ones on my chest and the ones on my hips that are closer to my stomach than the scars that are on my hips that are closer to my sides. Those, he can still see. He does it all so tenderly, I forget that he’s actually this 6 foot 3 high school quarterback. The calluses on his fingers are rough, but they feel amazing as they softly trace the scars he doesn’t dare kiss yet. 

He then draws back, kisses my lips once more so gentle, and with so much care & passion. We parted lips and he takes my hand and we lay on his bed. Just cuddling, as he flips on Netflix & scrolls to a movie I’ve never seen. Some sports movie that’s not just about sports and all that. It honestly makes me smile at how cute he is as he explains the movie- or at least tries to. He and I both fall asleep after the movie is over, door locked, of course. Even though his parents are out of town, if it makes Josh feel better, that's fine by me.

* * *

** Clair’s POV: **

I’m lying on my bed, reading a mystery novel & texting Bailey. Ok… So, confession time. She asked me out about 2 months ago and we’ve been dating since then. I wanna tell Alex, really, and my mom, but I just don’t want all of _those_ questions aimed at me. I know, I know, it’s inevitable, but for now, nope. Haha. She’s an out lesbian by the way, and she’s cool with me taking my time, which is amazing of her. I also got a text from Alex. Josh is ok, and so is he. He texted me a brief synopsis of their conversation and holy shit! They are so fuckin’ cute! Anyways, back to Bailey. Alex did see us talking, hopefully he didn’t notice me blushing, but something tells me no dice. And he’s even asked me a few times who I’m texting when I can’t hide my smile at her texts. But Alex hasn’t come to me about it yet. Which is so him. Alex isn’t one to push a subject- like, unless it’s a life or death sort of thing. 

I’m just about to finish the chapter I’m on, when I hear rocks aimed at my window. I open it up to see Bailey. I laugh. “You know it’s a 1-story house. You don’t exactly need the pebbles.” I whisper, grin on my face. She shrugs. “I wanted to see you. Give ya some good luck before your swim team tryouts tomorrow.” I can’t help but smile at how cute she is. I let her climb in. We settle on my bed, me leaning against her, and I open back up my book. She chuckles and whispers, “Seriously?” I look at her. “I had 3 pages left of this chapter before _someone_ tossed pebbles at my window. The detective is about to reveal his theory about how the killer managed to kill someone on the train without anyone seeing them.” I told her, jokingly upset. But she sees right through it and laughs. “Well then , better find that out.” She kisses me cheek. I blush as I lay next to her finishing this chapter. 

After I’m done, I spend the next hour and a half explaining the book; ‘ _Murder On The Oriental Expres_ s’ by Agatha Christie. She just holds me in her arms as she nods along, listening to me ramble on about this book. She takes an intake of breath on my part as an opportunity to tap my shoulder. She chuckles. “Hey, baby, I know it’s a school night, but since Alex was able to go somewhere tonight… Do you think your mom would be cool if you told her a friend of yours asked to stay the night? It’s only about 7:30 pm right now.”I smiled. “I can ask. What about your stuff for school?” I asked. She waved it off. “So I kinda planned for this, so I left my shit in my locker and brought a change of clothes with me.” She smiled. I laughed. So that’s what the bag she has is for. “Ok, I’ll go ask then. If she says yes, I’ll text you. Then all we do is wait about 20 minutes, then you climb out my window, with your bag, and walk around to the front door.” I tell her. She bounces in excitement, causing me to giggle. “Sounds like a plan!” She says. I nodded and went out to go ask my mom. `

I walk into the living room to see mom watching a movie on her laptop. I wave. “Hey mom.” She smiles. “Hey sweetheart. What's up?” She asks. “I was wondering if a friend of mine could come over. She just texted me asking. I thought since Alex was with a friend, it would be ok, but I wanted to ask you.” I asked her. She smiles. “Well it is a school night, but I did let Alex go. Mainly because I think more friends would benefit him. But it wouldn’t be fair to tell you no. So, as long as you still are prepared for school tomorrow and swim tryouts, it’s ok.” She says. I shout in excitement and hug her. “Thanks mom. I’ll text her right now!” I yell as I run back to my room. And thus, 25 minutes later, Bailey and I are cuddled up in my room, the door is locked, & we’re on my bed watching an episode of _Friends_. Five episodes later, we’re fast asleep and BOTDF’s “ _Something Grimm_ ” is playing in the distant background.


	7. Can I Hold Your Hand?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh & Clair both gain a bit more confidence. Josh & Alex find another person in their corner.

**Alex’s POV:**

It’s Thursday night and I’m relaxing in my room watching _Queer Eye_ when my phone goes off. By the ringtone alone, I know it’s Josh. I answer my phone, “Hey baby.” I hear him chuckle some nervous laughter. “Hey Babe.” “What’s up?” I ask him. He takes a breath. “I wanna take you on a date.” He says, his accent driving me almost as insane as what he just said. “Really?” I ask, surprised. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been dreaming of the types of dates he and I could go on, but I don’t want him pushing himself for my sake. “Yeah.” He says, and I can hear the smile in his voice despite him obviously being nervous. I tell him exactly that. “I know Alex, but I want to. Ever since I met you, you’ve had this effect on me. You mean a lot to me, and I wanna make you happy.” My face is literally turning red. “Awww, baby. As long as you’re sure, I’d love to go out on a date. I want you to be happy too ya know.” I tell him. He laughs. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m hella nervous, since it’s pretty public. But I figure the movies would be a good first date.” I smile even more than I already was. “Sounds perfect. And don’t worry about being nervous. I’ll be right there.” He sighs gratefully. “Thanks Babe. I’ll pick you up tomorrow night, 7:30.” I tell him I’ll see him then and we hang up. 

“Damn your face is pretty red. Wonder what boy-wonder did to do that.” I jump at Clair’s voice. She giggles and comes to sit next to me on my bed. “So what’s up?” She asks. “Josh wants to take me on a movie date.” I tell her. She squeals.”Oh my god! That's so cute!!” I smile. “You’re blushing.” She quips. I smack her arm playfully. “Shut up.” She chuckles more. “I’m happy for you.” She says gently. I hug her. “Thanks Clair. That means a lot to me.” She nods. “Of course.” We let go, and she stares down at her feet. “Hey, you ok?” I ask, concerned. She apparently didn’t hear me, so I tapped her shoulder. She comes back from whatever universe she was in. “Oh what? Yeah, I’m fine.” I look at her, eyebrow raised. She sighs. “Ok fine, but you have to promise not to laugh at me or anything.” I nod in agreeance. “Of course Clair.” She closes her eyes. “You remember Bailey, right?” She asks, eyes still closed. 

I’m pretty know where this is going. “Yeah, she’s your friend right? The one one with cool black & pink hair?” I ask, knowing what exactly the smile that lands on her face means. “Yeah, her. Um… I’m… Well, …” She takes another deep breath. Eyes finally open, but she keeps her gaze on her feet instead. “We’re dating.” She whispers. I smile and hug her. I hear her gasp. I chuckle. “Why you gotta act so worried? It’s not like I didn’t figure it out already. You know I love you.” She finally looks up at me, smile on her face and a few loose tears. She laughs lightly. “Thanks Alex.” And she hugs me back. After a few seconds, we pull apart. “But how the hell did you know?” She asked me, surprised. I laughed. “I notice things.” Her face goes red. I laugh again. “Like that!” She play-smacks my arm, but she’s laughing too. “Why the hell didn't you say anything to me?!?" I sighed. "Because you know as well as I do, that I'm not that kind of person." She smiles and immediately tackles me in a hug. "Thank you." She says again. "Can I ask you something though?" I ask and immediately I hear her sigh. 

She pulls away and nods. “Why were you so nervous to tell me? I’m like, the gayest person you know.” She laughs. “Shut up.” I smile, happy to see that worried look off of her face. It didn’t suit her. “You didn’t have to hide this, at least from me. I can understand not wanting to tell your mom right away. But it’s not like she isn’t cool with it.” I tell her. She smiles. “I know, I'm not afraid, it’s just that I didn't want anyone asking all those ANNOYING questions." I laugh. "Yeah, but any LGBTQ person knows those questions will come. From anyone." I smile, which makes her smile. She then smiles wide and jumps back. "Hey! I know something that could help out you and Josh!" She says all excited-like. I raise an eyebrow. "What's that?" She giggles. "Don't be scared. It's mostly to help Josh be more calm on your guys' date." I nod, urging her to explain. "A double date!!" She exclaims. I smile. "This could definitely help him! I’ll go call Josh & tell him.!” I smile and hug her and reach for my phone. Before I dial Josh’s number, I look back at Clair as she starts walking to her room. “Love ya Clair.” She smiles, “Love ya too Alex.” 

* * *

**Josh’s POV:**

I’m chilling with Brad at his house in his room when my rings. I smile when I see Alex’s face. I took the picture when he spent the night at my house the night he helped me with that freak out. He was sleeping and I couldn’t resist snapping a pic. “Hey babe.” I answer the call and Brad just smirks at me. “Hey baby, so I wanted to call you with an idea for our date.” I can hear the smile in his voice. “What’s that?” I ask him. “So, do you know Bailey? Clair’s friend?” I think for a second. “That girl with black and pink hair?” I ask. “Yes! Well, turns out my inner gaydar was right and they’re dating.” I nod, then realize he can’t see me. “Ah, ok. So how does that relate to our date?” I ask him. “Well, this was entirely Clair’s idea, but she thought if we made it a double date for the 4 of us, it would help you be a bit more at ease since the date would be public.” I try not to let my face fall a bit, but apparently I’m not good at it because Brad looks at me with this quizzical look on his face. I waved him off for a second. “That's sweet of her.” I tell Alex. “You don’t have to of course, I just know you’re not out and even if it looked like 2 friends going to a movie, this small town sucks and since I’m out, I just.. I don’t want you to go through coming out that way, you know?” I have to smile at his words. He always knows how to soothe my mind. “You’re incredibly Alex. You know that?” He chuckles, “Tell the rest of this fuckin’ town that and we’ll se.” I laugh. 

“So did you wanna do that?” Alex asks me. “I mean, it sounds like a solid idea.” I tell him. “How about you think about it baby? I know it’s a heavy topic. Plus, the movie isn’t until Saturday.” I smiled. “Ok babe. I’ll call you later.” I tell him. “Can’t wait! But remember, it’s not rush. Ok baby?” He tells me. “Thanks Babe. Later.” We end the call. Then I looked up from my phone screen to see Brad. “What was that about?” He asked. So then I explained it all to Brad. “I mean, that’s a good thing, right? You are 100% ready to come out, so this way you can still go out with Alex, but others will just think you’re with Clair.” Brad says. I nod. “But is that really fair to Alex?” I ask Brad. Brad looks at me. “Look, in my honest opinion, you need to talk to Alex about this. But you need to remember, when you do come out, you're the best captain we’ve ever had. You’re the top player on our teams, so you can’t get kicked off. Plus 'being gay' isn't a valid reason to kick you off any sports team either, which they need or the principle will get suspicious and investigate Coach." Brad explained. I nodded. “Thanks man.” I’m really thankful for Brad. I’m glad I can count on him being there for me. “I just wish I had the balls to come out. But this stupid town has instilled it in me that it’s wrong.” I tell Brad. “I know it’s not, but…” I sigh in frustration. Brad pats my shoulder. “Do what you feel is right, not what others think is right.” I look up to the ceiling & close my eyes. “Yeah, you’re right.”

I open my eyes & pick up my phone, dialing Alex back. “Hey, baby. Everything ok?” I smile at how gentle his voice sounds. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I just wanted to talk to you about this double-date idea.” I told him. “Do you want me to come over?” He asks. I smile again. “That would be nice, but I’m at Brad’s house.” I tell Alex. “Would it be ok for me to come over to his house? It sounds like you really need to talk Josh.” Alex says, concern evident in his voice. I look to Brad, holding my phone just a bit away from me. “Can Alex come over?” I ask. Brad looks at me & shrugs. “I don’t care. You need to talk this out. Having him here in person usually helps you. A lot.” Brad explains. He then smirks. “At least, that’s just what I’ve seen.” My face goes red and silently flick Brad off (jokingly of course) as I bring my phone back. “Yeah, it’s cool babe.” I tell Alex. Brad sports slight grin. I waved him off with a smile. “I’ll be there soon baby.” Alex says and we hang up. “He’s coming over?” Brad asks. I nod. “He offered and I feel like talking with him in person will help. Ya know?” I tell him. Brad nods. “I get it. And I’ll be here too. For any input you might need.” He smiles and clasps my shoulder. “It’ll all be good dude.” I nod. “Thanks man.” 

My parents just got back a few hours ago from their business trip & low and behold, they went out for dinner. I don’t like dining out with them that much because they’re just snobby. Every once in a while I’m forced to, but when I do, I try to pretend we’re a family. So to avoid a shitshow of a pretend-family dinner, I came over to Brad’s house. I wonder how Alex & I will affect my already-strained relationship with my parents. Brad snaps me out of my thoughts. I look up to see Alex standing there at Brad’s bedroom door. “Wow, something’s gotcha thinkin’. Is it a celebrity hottie?” Alex jokes. I laugh and wave him on in. He sits on the bed across from me. Brad sits in his desk chair. “So you wanted to talk about Clair’s double date idea?” He asks me. I nod. I decided right then that my hands are pretty interesting. I see a 3rd hand gently place itself on top of mine. I look up. Alex smiles gently. “You can talk to me Josh. I’m right here. And no matter what you choose, I’ll always be right here.” I smile at him & take a deep breath. “It’s so sweet of Clair & you to come up with this idea for me and my sake, but I feel like it’s not fair to the 3 of you. Bailey & Clair deserve a date & so do you.” I say. “Like, I feel like a total coward because I want to give you this awesome date night, but I’m just so freaked out at the idea of someone finding out.” He gives my hand a gentle squeeze. I take another breath. “Alex, this by no means I wanna cancel our date. I just don’t know what to do.” Alex just hugs me. 

I fall into his embrace so naturally. “Hey, it’s ok to not know what to do. I felt the same way before I came out. I actually ended up crying on Clair a few times before I finally told my parents.” He tells me. “Really?” I asked him. I feel him nod. “Definitely baby!” I leaned back, his arms still around my waist. “So what should we do? I still wanna take you to the movies.” Alex tilts his head. “Well, Clair actually isn’t even out yet. So, we can just make it a hang out thing for the 4 of us. Don’t call it a double a date, but it’s not not a date either.” He winks at me. It makes me smile. Brad decides to chip in at this moment. “That could work dude. Y’all already hang out a bit at school.” Alex nods. “That’s right. So if we do run into anyone, they’ll just see the 4 of us hanging out.” I smile. “And besides, we can still call it a date. But that’ll be just between the 4 of us, well- 5.” Alex says, smiling. I look at Brad. “I gotchu dude.” He says, patting my shoulder. I nod. “So the 4 of us can go to the movies, and while it will look like the 4 of us hanging out to everyone else, it’ll still be our date to us.” I say, confirming what I’m thinking I’m hearing. Alex nods, grinning. “You got it.” I grin too. “How is it that you make everything easier?” I ask him. He shrugs. “It’s a gift.” We both just laugh. 

Alex looks at me, “And don’t worry, you know I won’t let you out yourself unless you feel like you’re ready.” I kiss his cheek. “Thanks babe.” Alex blushes and I can’t get the level of attractiveness of his lip biting out of my head. “Well, I s-should be going home. I don’t wanna interrupt you & Brad’s plans.” Alex says, stuttering a bit at the beginning. He moves to get up from the bed we’re sitting on when Brad waves away the statement. “Don’t worry about that. I was actually thinking the 3 of us could hang out for a bit, if you’re able to Alex.” Alex smiles. “That sounds fun. You sure?” He asks. Brad & I both nod. “Well, let’s just order some pizza & play some video games.” Brad suggests. Alex nods. “Awesome.” I say. 

* * *

**Clair’s POV:**

Alex just texted me, telling me what the new plan for the date night was gunna be, aI text him cak confirming, and then I text Bailey & update her. Alex also let me know he’s going to hang out with Brad & Josh for a little while. I smile at the text as I reply a simple: _“Ok. Have fun.”_ I’m so glad Alex is making more friends. Putting my phone down, I go ahead and plan my outfit for my date. Once I’m satisfied, I put it all on a seperate hanger and hang it on the hook on the back of my door. That's when I realized it took me a few hours to put my outfit together. Especially when Alex walks back into my room. He’s smiling. I sit down on my bed and offer him to pop a squat next to me. “How’s Josh & Brad?” I ask him. He nods. “They’re good. Josh is looking forward to the date/non-date.” Alex tells me. We both laugh. “It’s sweet though. That he cares, ya know?” I say. Alex smiles again. “He really does. I don’t know what it is about him Clair. But when I’m around him or with him, it’s like… everything becomes ok.” He’s smiling, like, really smiling. I’ve never seen him like this. Not over any boy he’s had a crush on. I hug Alex. “I’m so happy for you Alex.” He returns the hug. We then spend the rest of the night gushing about our relationships like the teens we are.

****Skip To The Date Night****

**Alex's POV:**

It’s 7 P.M. & Clair and I were each getting ready. My room was slightly bigger than hers, so we decided to get ready there. We’re gettin’ ready & listening to Clair’s playlist on spotify blaring throughout the room. I chose to wear my dark green skinny jeans with rips at the knees with my [ Slytherin baseball tee ](https://www.harrypottershop.com/products/harry-potter-slytherin-raglan?gclid=CjwKCAiA_f3uBRAmEiwAzPuaM75nrOgxjPzYNNZZHOuctX-qr-3KLixQGayFlLzjlWVZlnk0IQyyABoCnYAQAvD_BwE) . I make sure to wear some bracelets & wristbands on each wrist. I grab my flat iron and sit criss-cross on the floor in front of the wall mirror that I got for last Christmas. I start my hair when Clair walks out of the bathroom attached between our 2 rooms. She’s chosen to wear white ripped skinny jeans with a [ black & purple Metallica cropped sweater ](https://www.hottopic.com/product/metallica-ride-the-lightning-cropped-long-sleeve-girls-t-shirt/11579885.html?cgid=band-merch-shop-by-artist-metallica#start=19). She puts on a few cute bracelets to match and slides on her black flats. Then comes right next to me and decides to take over my hair and flat iron the back side of my head for me as well as touch up places I may have missed. Once she’s finished, I put on my green beanie & start applying some eyeliner. As I do that, I notice my nails are gunna need a touch up soon. “Clair, wanna do our nails later this week?” I ask her. She smiles. “Definitely!” I smile too and finish my eyeliner. While Clair does the finishing touches on her hair, and put on my socks & combat boots. Feeling a bit more emo today, I grab my fingerless gloves and put them on. 

When Clair finishes her hair, she starts her whole make-up routine. “Allllleeexxxx!” She wines with a pout. I laugh. “What’s up?” I ask. She hands me her liquid eyeliner. “I messed up and had to wipe it off. Can you do wings for me?” She asks. I chuckle and nod. “Sure Clair.” I sit on the floor in front of her back into my criss-cross position from before. It takes me about 5 minutes to give her the wings she wants. She smiles gleefully in the mirror and hugs me. Then she bounces up to grab her [Joker snapback](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fimages-na.ssl-images-amazon.com%2Fimages%2FI%2F91iB0JgrJ%252BL._UX679_.jpg&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FDC-Comics-Hahaha-Sublimated-Snapback%2Fdp%2FB01H4URPW4&tbnid=qH2QXD3dUvtWBM&vet=12ahUKEwjIiJjk4Y_mAhUERFMKHXSDDR8QMygDegUIARCRAw..i&docid=2u7dbemXWhK1BM&w=679&h=679&q=dc%20joker%20snapback%20hat&safe=active&ved=2ahUKEwjIiJjk4Y_mAhUERFMKHXSDDR8QMygDegUIARCRAw). We turn down the music, grab our phones, wallets, keys, etc. & just chill in my room watching Netflix until Josh & Bailey arrive. Josh offered to drive everyone and picked Bailey up first. As soon as I get the text from Josh, Bailey and I book it to the front door. We tell Clair’s mom bye, go outside, and head over to Josh’s truck. I hop in the passenger seat and Clair sits next to Bailey in the backseat. Josh is wearing some dark wash jeans with his cowboy boots, a grey BMTH shirt, and a black & grey flannel. 

Josh starts his truck and we head for the town’s theater. Josh presses a quick kiss to my cheek, causing my cheeks to tint a light rose color. I see Clair smirk in the rearview mirror… right before Bailey does the same to her. As Josh drives, we all talk about the new joker movie- the one we are going to go watch. While we’re talking, I notice Bailey is wearing skinny jeans that are half purple & half black. Like, one leg is purple while the other one is black. I can totally tell who’s her favorite DC villain. Her [shirt](https://i.rocdn.com/v2/3397852?w=1024&h=1024) just adds to it. She’s wearing a plain black hoodie, but I can also see she has stretched ears, she chose to wear some really cool purple [plugs](https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcT2fWkwX3ORFs0vw6EzJZU_SDnn3nIaSk-hG9k9fKGaGKLRDU_-). 

Josh holds my hand the entire drive to the theater. The 4 of us walk in and buy our tickets. Seeing as though we have about an hour until the movie starts, we decide to get some food and “hang out” before the movie. We do proper introductions and just goof around for an hour over memes and new music being released. Then we make our way to the movie and find some seats in the back row. Josh actually holds my hand!!!! I look over and Bailey & Clair are also holding hands, taking advantage of the fact that no one is behind us to see. Josh ends up holding my hand for the ENTIRE movie!!! The movie was pretty good and we all enjoyed it. Standing up from our seats, Clair had this brave look in her eyes as I saw that she squeezed Bailey’s hand and did not let go as they started to walk down to aisle to exit the row. Josh took a deep breath. “You don’t have to, baby.” I looked at him. He shook his head. “I actually really like holding your hand.” He whispers, blushing slightly. “Only if you’re sure.” I tell him. He takes another deep breath and gives my hand a gentle squeeze. I squeeze it back & smile. “You’ve got this.” I whisper. Then we follow Clair & Bailey. 

What amazes me is that the only ones glancing at our hands are employees, who actually seem to have smiles on their faces. On the way out of the movie theater towards Josh’s truck, we walk past these 2 guys who glance our way. At first, I didn’t think of it… Until I saw the Clover High Swim & Dive Team Jackets. Josh takes an almost-silent deep breath. I give Josh’s hand a gentle squeeze once again and we just walk right past them. We get in the truck and Josh exhales the huge breath he took. “Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod.” He starts. I cut him off. “Baby it’s ok. You did great! I’m so proud of you!!” I hug him tight. “Just breath. We don’t have to drive off just yet. Take a second to breath ok?” I assure him. He nods and takes a few deep breaths. “Fuck…” He says as he exhales again. “I think one of those guys was my mom’s friend’s son.” I can see the worry on his friend. “Alex, …” I stop him once again. “Josh, I told you. I’m here for you. Always. You’ve got me, Brad, Clair, & Bailey.” I tell him. The girls nod to reassure him. “Totally!” Clair says soothingly. “We’ve got your back.” Bailey adds. 

Josh nods, starting to calm down, and starts his truck. We drop Bailey off, Clair gives her a quick kiss good-bye and then the 3 of us head over to Clair & I’s house. Josh parks his truck and Clair hops out, looking back over her shoulder and winking. I chuckle and shake my head. I then look at Josh. Still holding his hand, I use my other hand to guide his face to look at me. Hand on his cheek, he looks at me. The look of fear is still there. “Baby, are you sure you’re ok?” I ask. He nods. “Just a bit freaked out I guess. But it’s weird because I really don’t regret it.” He explained. I smiled and kissed him. “I’m glad you did it.” He kisses me back. “Me too.” After that, we end up making out for a solid 5 minutes… Before we hear knocking on the window.

We jumped apart to see Clair’s mom, still in her work clothes, with a knowing smile on her face. Both of us sporting red faces, I roll down my window (the side she was standing on), and smile shyly. “Hi Amy.” I say quietly, rubbing my neck nervously. She sighs, “Hey Alex. Thanks for followin’ the rule of not having people over while I’m out of the house, but I don’t think this is the way you wanted me to meet your boyfriend.” She smirks, then tilts her head slightly and smiles at Josh. “Hiya! Why don’t the 2 of you come inside? I know it’s gettin’ late, so I won’t keep ya too long. You’ll be home in reasonable time so your folks don’t worry.” Amy, Clair’s mom, tells Josh. We both just nod and follow Amy inside, after Josh locks his truck up of course. “How was the movie?” She asks as she opens the door. We follow her inside. “It was good.” I say, still blushing. “So, Alex, why don’t ya introduce me?” She asks. I nod. “Oh yeah! Sorry. Amy, this is Josh. Josh, this is Clair’s mom, Amy.” I introduce the 2 of them. Clair’s mom shakes Josh’s hand. 

We sit in the living room. “I didn’t mean to interrupt anything out there, I just thought I’d let y’all know you were exactly in private.” We both blushed but nodded. “Stop being so timid.” Amy chuckles. “Y’all are fine. Ain’t doing a damn thing wrong. Josh, ” Clair’s mom looks at him. He nods. “Yes ma’am?” He asks. She smiles. “You treat Alex right, ya hear?” He smiles confidently, just like he did back when he held my hand at the theater. “Yes Ms. Peterson.” She waves him off. “Please, call me Amy.” Josh nods. “And Josh, also remember what I just told y’all. There is nothing wrong with the two of you dating. If it counts for anything, you both have me right behind you.” Amy tells Josh, & me too really, with a smile. With that, she yawns. “Well, I better let Josh get home. Good night Alex. Good night Josh, it was great meeting you.” Josh shakes her hand again. “You as well ma’-- Amy.” She smiles and heads towards her room. I walk Josh out back to his truck and quickly kiss him goodnight. “Night baby.” I tell him. “Night babe.” He smiles and I waved him off as he drove away. 

* * *

**Josh’s POV:**

I pull into my driveway, lock up my truck, & head inside my house. It’s about 11 PM, so everyone is probably sleeping by now. I make my way to my room and change into some pj pants and a muscle tank. I’m chilling on my bed, just browsing Facebook on my phone and eventually fall asleep…

**_**The next day**_ **

**Josh’s POV:**

I wake up, tired but excited to start preparing for the swim & dive team tryouts tomorrow after school. I take a shower in my bathroom, then I put on some jeans and button up my dark blue & grey flannel (not all the way though), and then grab my varsity jacket. I slide on my tennis shoes and grab my phone, wallet, keys, & school bag. I headed downstairs to grab a quick bite to eat. I look outside the window to see my parents’ cars are gone. Ok, cool. I go to grab something quick out of the fridge when I notice a note left on the fridge. “Another trip?” I mutter. I grab it off the fridge and read it. My breath hitches and it feels like my heart stopped….

  
  


_Come home right after practice, we need to talk. -Mom & Dad _


	8. "New" Characters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update 1/10/20:  
> So I realized I goofed and kept naming side characters and Clair's mom 'Amy'. Whoops. Going back through, it was Brad's little sister, the girl Lukas likes, & Clair's mom/ Since Clair's mom makes reoccurring appearances, her name won't change. Brad's little sister is just a detail about his life, and she will rarely appear. So I decided to make Lukas' crush's name Sophie. No plot has changed, just her name. The link to her appearance is still the same as well.

** **

** Bailey McPhearson:  **

  * Age: 16
  * Grade: 11th
  * Hair: Black & pink.
  * Orientation: Out & proud lesbian.
  * Piercings: Stretched ear lobes, a belly ring, & right nostril.
  * Interests: Music, art, anime, photography (aka- her dream job), plays guitar & sings, loves animals, books, movies, & drawing. 
  * Dislikes: Bullies, homophobia, people lacking creativity or ambition, politics (seriously, there’s more to life than arguing), & trash TV/Movie versions of amazing books.
  * Best Friend: Her girlfriend Clair. <3
  * Lives: Clover, South Carolina- Population approx. 5,200.



Hey everyone! I’m Bailey McPhearson. I’m 16, and a junior at Clover High. I love music & the arts, but I’m not 100% opposed to sports. My beautiful girlfriend Clair is an amazing swimmer and I can’t wait to cheer her on at the try-outs. My dream job is photography. I take pictures of literally everything- nature, random people, cars, friends, family, etc. I also sing & play the guitar. I like doing covers of my favorite songs the most. I’m not much of a songwriter haha. I try to be a very bubbly person, but do not try me. If you cross me, I bring flames. Reading is another hobby of mine, I don’t have much time for it, but I try to make time when I can. I guess you can say that Clair is my best friend as well as my girlfriend. 

We have been friends for a little while, we met last year and due to my summer job and everything that happened recently with Alex, Clair & I weren’t able to hang out much. But we’re trying to change that this year. I even asked her out to be my official girlfriend. ^.^ We’re coming up on 3 months soon. So maybe I’ll ask Alex for gift advice. I also know that Clair wants to come out on her own terms, which I fully support. I’m 100% out of the closet, but I understand where Clair is coming from. Anyways, I gotta get moving! I have to leave the house in 15 minutes if I don’t wanna be late for school. See ya! :D

* * *

**Lukas Thompson: **

  * Age: 16
  * Grade: 11th
  * Hair: Dirty-Blonde.
  * Orientation: Straight.
  * Piercings: None.
  * Interests: Sports (Currently football, track, & swimming, but wrestling & soccer were nice too), music, friends, parties, the beach, the parties his teams usually tended to have, & the girl who sits next to him in his math class (who also happens to be his neighbor). ;) 
  * Dislikes: Bullies/haters/people being dicks (why can’t people just be?), when his parents tend to be embarrassing, & being bored.
  * Best Friends: Considers his teammates his best friends, but Brad & Josh are who hangs out with the most.
  * Lives: Clover, South Carolina- Population approx. 5,200.



What’s up guys? I’m Lukas Thompson. I’m 16 and I’m the kicker on the Varsity football team at Clover high. I’m a junior, and some of the guys are older than me, but with a birthday in the summer, I can’t help that I’m 16 while other guys are 17 already. Ya know? But hey, it’s all good,. Most of the guys on the team are pretty chill. Those JV fuckers though need to learn some respect. They’re very rude to people who aren’t jocks. But us Varsity guys quickly remind them where they exactly stand. Only a few Varsity guys are jerks, but they know where the line is drawn. They know respect. Coach can be a dick, but where he doesn’t agree with something, he goes about it in a roundabout way. Don’t agree with practice? He’ll have you run a whole different one by yourself along side the practice everyone else does, and it’s much worse. After maybe a week if you’re resilient enough to last that long, you usually find yourself wanting to go back to the normal practices.

Aside from sports, I like parties (since it’s either Josh or I hosting our team victory parties), hanging out with my friends, and trying to get my neighbor [Sophie](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/582934745494153709/) to see me as more than just a friend. She’s crazy awesome and we’ve known each other since elementary. She’s got a cute laugh, so I’m always trying to hear it. Anyways, there’s not much else about me. I consider all my teammates good friends, but I mainly hang out with Josh & Brad. So I guess I’d call those 2 guys my best friends. I drive a small pick-up truck, but it’s enough for 4 people, 5 if we can squeeze it. But it can hold the kegs, and us country boys always love a good kegger. Well, I’m gonna see if Amy wants a ride to school. See ya!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Not technically new characters, I know. But since I plan on these 2 being around a lot, I figured I'd introduce them! ^_^ I also know y'all are really excited for chapter 7, don't worry, I'm writing it at this very moment (of publishing lol). I'm about maybe halfway done and plan on uploading it sometime this week. I'm grateful to those reading, it's an amazing feeling, so thank you so very much. I can just feel it- this version of this story is going to be so much more amazing. I'm excited quite honestly. Again, thanks so much and I'll see y'all later this week! 
> 
> -Sincerely, S.A. (AKA: Rebecca). <3


	9. Confidence.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh has a conversation with his parents...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger warning for this chapter!**
> 
> Derogatory names for LGBTQ+ are used, internalized homophobia, external homophobia, violence/abuse, etc. are all present in this chapter. I 100% do NOT condone any of these, nor do I like hearing about such things. But it is a huge part of not only the overall story, but Josh’s story as well. I feel like many people can relate - including those who belong to the LGBTQ+ community (unfortunately & my heart goes out to every single one of them), and representation of the more gritty side of being LGBTQ+ being told is a good thing, I think. These stories happen, & them being told, I believe, can be an eye-opening experience.
> 
> Update 1/10/20:   
> So I had to change the name of a mentioned side-character in Lukas' bio. The change made is from 'Amy' to 'Sophie' because I realized I already had a character with that name. No other changes, but I wanted y'all to know. :)

**Josh’s POV:**

I stuffed the note my parents left for me into my pocket. Losing my appetite, I just head straight for my truck. I try not to let my wracked nerves show as I drive towards school. As soon as I’m parked, I texted Alex. He texts back saying that he & Clair are walking to school & they’ll be here in about 5 minutes. Then I got a text from Brad about the prep work needed to get done for the swim & dive team tryouts. I just have to make sure we have enough water bottles for tomorrow. Everything else has already been taken care of. The only thing that’s left for me to do is help conduct tryouts alongside Coach tomorrow. I text Brad back confirming everything and then look up when I hear a knock on my window. 

Alex, Clair, & Bailey smiled at me. I smile back and get out of my truck. “ ‘Sup guys?” I ask. They all shrugged tiredly. We start walking, but Alex pulls me back. “We’ll catch up in a minute.” He tells them, they just nod with slight smiles. Alex just smiles shakes his head at their reactions. But once we’re alone, he gets this serious look on his face. “What’s wrong? You seem quiet.” He asks me. The question is sincere. I sigh and lean against my truck. Alex leans next to me. I see him take a few side glances before lightly grazing his fingers against mine, then grabbing my hand loosely. “Take your time baby.” I close my eyes, nod, & take a deep breath. Then exhale. I opened my eyes, and true to who Alex is as a person he’s still there. Holding my hand, & waiting patiently. I smile a small smile. “I got up this morning as usual, and not much of a surprise to see my parents were already gone. I found a note on the fridge…” I stop before I start getting choked up. Another deep breath. Inhale… Exhale…

I tighten the grip of our hands. “I thought ‘Great, they’re out another trip again’, but then I actually read it…” He tightens his hold on my hand too. Another breath. “It s-said, that we need to t-talk after practice today. I… I think they might know. Shit, Alex, I’m so freaked out. Like, this could be nothing. But I can’t help but think…” Alex stops me. “Josh, baby. Calm down. It’ll be alright. No matter what it is they wanna talk about, I’m here for you. Brad is here for you. Clair and Bailey too. We’ve all got your back Baby.” He takes another sideways glance to the right, and then to the left. He then pecks my lips. It’s quick, but the gentleness of him is still there. I smile and we walk off to meet the others. 

We get to Alex and Clair’s lockers that happen to be right next to each other, when Brad & Lukas walk up. “Hey man!” Lukas smiles. I bro-hug both of them and they wave hello to Alex and Clair, though Bailey seems to have disappeared, probably off to her class. I hear her class is on the other side of campus. I tell Clair & Alex I’ll see them later and walk off with the guys. “Excited to see the fresh fish tomorrow?” Lukas jokes. I laugh and nod, deciding to put my worries off for now. “Hell yeah.” I smirk. “It’s gunna be interesting for sure!” Brad quips. We all agree as we head to class.

* * *

  
  


**** At Lunch ****

“I hear Clair signed up for the swim & dive team try-outs.” Brad pipes up. I nod. “Yeah, she’s excited. Apparently she swam back in middle school and freshman year.” I told them. They looked at me. I shrugged. “She told me when her, Alex, Bailey, & I went to the movies. We were getting something to eat when she brought up tryouts.” I explained. They nodded. “Cool.” Brad decided on a subject change. “So Lukas, you hosting the next bonfire or what?” Brad asks Lukas. Lukas smiles. “Hell yeah dude! I just gotta get _supplies_ from my cousin one town over. He can get us at least 4.” Lukas informed us. By that information alone, we knew he was talking about his 22 year-old cousin who can get us some kegs. “I’ve already got it set up, I just have to give him a week’s notice. Seein’ as though we don’t have any games this week due to the try-outs for swim, I told him I’ll be in touch.” We nodded at Lukas’ plan. 

Then Lukas looked over at me. “You gonna invite your new friends?” He asked. I shrugged. “Maybe.” He smiled. “Well you should. They seem pretty cool. And especially if Clair will be on the swim & dive team. It’ll be a great introduction for her. Plus Alex & Bailey seem cool.” He says. “Meanwhile, I plan on inviting Sophie.” Brad and I laugh. “Dude, you’ve been pining after her forever now. Just shoot your shot. Go for it, I’m pretty sure she’ll say yes.” Brad encourages Lukas. I nod along, agreeing with Brad. “Yeah man. Y’all have known each other for _years_.” I tell him. He nods. “You guys are right. How about we aim to win next Friday like we always do?” He grins. “Fuck yeah we will!” Brad cheers. The rest of the team we’re sitting with cheers as well, mainly just excited for another small-town kegger.

As I’m headed to my next class after lunch, Brad pulls me aside. “Ok, I can tell somethin’ been on your mind. Talk dude. When are you gonna get it that you can talk with me?” Brad urges. I sigh. “Honestly, I’ve just been trying to avoid thinking about it.” I tell Brad. I then explain to him everything that was on my mind. The note left for me. My fears. All of it. He promises me that no matter what, I’m not alone. You would think that a quarterback knows he’s got his team with him, and in a way, I do have a team behind me. It’s not exactly my actual team, but it’s definitely a team nonetheless. I bro-hug him before heading to class. 

  
  


* * *

**** After Practice****

  
  


After practice, we all drag our sweaty asses to the locker room showers to rinse off. Sweaty and covered in dirt, my muscles ache. Coach was a bit harsher today than normal. But I guess that could be because of the team we’re playing next week. They’ve only lost 1 game and even that was early in the season, so the past few weeks, they’ve been winning just like us. Only difference is that Clover High is 100% undefeated. So I guess it’s a tougher team, and Coach just wants us to be prepared. I towel off and change back into my jeans & t-shirt. I throw on my boots & flannel. I throw my football shit into my duffle bag and make my way to my truck. Backpack over my left shoulder, & duffle bag in my right hand. I throw everything into the back of my truck and start the drive home. 

I can feel my stomach lurch as I pulled into my driveway. Both parents’ cars are home. I gulp at least a half dozen times. I put the truck into park and turn off the engine. I rub the palms of my hands down my jeans, trying to dry them of the sweat that’s accumulated. What the hell did they want to talk about? So much so, that they’ve leave a fuckin’ note on the damn fridge. When it hits me… The 2 guys in Clover High Swim & Dive team jackets… Fuck, I remember one of them being my mom’s friend’s son… Shit!! What if he told his mother? My old lady loves to fuckin’ gossip. I take a few deep breaths and send a group text to Alex and Brad. 

_Here goes nothing. Wish me luck. - Josh_

Then I hop out of my truck and walk towards whatever is coming my way. Because no matter what it is, I’m not alone. I’ve got my own personal team looking out for me. I take another deep breath and open the front door. Keeping my cool, I just head straight for my room with my bags in hand. I make it to my room. I throw my bags down next to my bed and lay down. Why didn’t they stop me? Call for me? Did they not hear me come in? Did they change their minds? As I’m thinking all of this, my phone buzzes. And then buzzes again. I grab it and see 2 new texts. 

_You’ve got this man! I know it! *Strong arm emoji*_

_\- Brad_

_I believe in you baby! No one can tell you who you are except you. Call me if you need me, ok? I’m in your corner, always. <3 _

_\- Alex <3 <3 _

I smile at the texts and then I blush realize that Alex’s text was in the group chat and that Brad had also read it. The embarrassment fades fast though as I hear my mother shout for me from the kitchen. I get up and steady myself. I can do this. No matter what it is they wanna talk about, I’m not alone. I make my way down the stairs and head towards the kitchen. There, at the dining table, sits my mother and father. “Yes?” I ask as I take in their facial expressions, not yet sitting down. Mom looked worried, while my dad just looked pissed as fuck. Shit… “Honey, maybe you should sit down.” My mom told me gently. I shake my head. “I’m fine.” I tell her. 

All of a sudden, dad slams his fist on the table. “Is it true?” He shouts angrily. I knew it… Mom tries to calm dad down. She turns her head towards me. “Josh, it’s just that Mrs. Grant called. Her son is on the sophomore swim & dive team. He apparently saw you at the movie theater last night with a group of questionable kids, one of which happened to be a boy you were holding hands with. I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding. Please Josh?” 

The way she says it all. Like she’s pleading for a denial. I go to open my mouth, but I need to word this right. I close my mouth, wanting these next few words to be the right ones. My father blows up again. “Just speak damnit!!” I slightly flinch. But shake it off as nothing. I take a breath and hold my head up high. “Mom, Dad, it’s not a misunderstanding. I was out on a double date & I was holding my _boyfriend’s_ hand.” Mom’s hand flies to cover her mouth as she starts sobbing. I’m trying to hold back tears, but I can feel my eyes water. “STOP BEING SO DAMN WEAK!” Dad yells. He pops up out of his chair and stomps over to me. I’m scared, my biggest nightmare is coming to life right in front of my eyes, but I don’t back down. I care about Alex. He’s the first one, besides Brad really, to show me that it’s ok to be who I am. It’s ok to be gay. 

Dad’s face is super red. He’s angry. “I didn’t raise a fuckin’ queer!” He shouts. Mom just sobs on the opposite end of the kitchen. Away from both dad & I. “STOP BEING SO GOD DAMN WEAK!” He continues shouting, only this time he’s a mere few inches from my face. That… hurt. So much. I can’t cry… “Listen here boy, you’re gunna stop talking to this little freak and you’re gunna start actin’ normal again!” He started listing out his demands. I felt my face go hard. “Never, _EVER_ say that about Alex!” I finally yelled back. “Call me whatever you want, but don’t you ever disrespect the one person who has literally done NOTHING to you & has done EVERYTHING for me.” I think I started shouting? 

Next thing I know, I feel the hot sting of a fresh slap on my cheek. It takes my mother’s scream to break my reverie. My father… just slapped me… across my face… “WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU YOU GET OFF ON TELLING _ME_ WHAT TO DO & WHO TO RESPECT?! THIS IS _MY_ HOUSE BOY!!” He’s yelling, face red as hell, like my left cheek. I refuse to cry. “You’ve never met him!” I shout back. “Being gay doesn’t change a damn thing about me! I still love sports! I still am great at football, track, & swimming! I still want to pursue a sports career! NOTHING has changed!” I yelled, throat starting to get hoarse. 

My dad’s eyebrow is twitching. “How the fuck can you talk like that?” He shouts back at me. “No sports agent is gunna wanna hire a faggot!” I wince at that. “I’m done having this conversation. Either follow my rules & go back to being normal or leave my damn house!” He yells. What I feel in that next second is a feeling hard to describe…

Shock, fear, sadness, it’s like all these feelings plus more wracked my body. My world stopped spinning. I shook my head. “Guess I’m leaving then.” I said, then started walking towards the stairs, back up to my room. “I’m just gunna grab a few clothes.” I told them, not ever turning around. I slam my door shut & lock it as soon as I’m in my room. I feel myself break apart. I fall to the ground and started crying. I haven’t cried this hard in a long ass time. Like, harder than I did when I was first freaking out about my feelings and shit for Alex. The only thought that came across my racing mind was to call Alex. I dialed his number and waited 2 rings before he picks up. “What’s up baby?” He answers. I just start balling. He’s quick to console me. “Oh no, what happened? I can hear the concern in his voice. “I… They…” I can’t even breathe properly. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I put the phone on speaker. 

“Josh, it’ll be ok. I promise. Just breath. Slow, deep breaths. Then tell me how it went.” I’m so happy he’s understanding. I’m also glad he knows exactly what this is about. I take a few deep breaths. “I did it. I told them. I even yelled back.” I whispered. My voice was already feeling so hoarse. “Oh baby…” He sounded so sad. “I’m so sorry. What happened after that?” He asked, slowly coaxing the events of the past 30 minutes (not even) out of me. I took another breath. “Wait, baby, am I on speaker?” He asked. “Yeah.” I admitted. “I heard footsteps & thought they should hear how sweet you are to me.” I can hear his smile through his voice. “Aw.” I chuckle at him. “So continue if you can baby?” I go to speak and realize I’m not crying as hard as I first was. 

Wow, Alex is more amazing than I thought. “I’ll tell you all the details later, but right now let’s just say I hope Brad’s got an extra bed.” I tell Alex. He gasps. “Oh my god Josh! I’m so sorry baby. You don’t deserve that. You are literally no different from who you were yesterday!” He says. “You are the same amazing, sweet, & weirdly athletic guy!” I chuckle again at his words. “Thanks babe. Do you mind if I come over for a bit and just call Brad from your place?” I ask. “No doubt about it! And if Brad doesn’t have room, you’re more than welcome in my house!” Clair’s mom shouts from a small distance. I laugh. “Alex babe, do you have me on speaker?” I ask. I can hear the playfulness in his voice. “Well since I’m o speaker, you should be too. Though I didn’t mean for Clair’s mom to overhear.” I smile. “That’s ok. And please let Ms. Pe-- Amy, know that I appreciate her humbleness.” I tell Alex. 

I can hear feet shuffling at my door. “I’m packing up my stuff now!” I shout, getting up off my floor. “Baby, I have to pack up a bag or two. Do you think you can actually get here in about 15 minutes? I want my parents to meet you. Also, I'm not sure if I can take my truck or not.” I say. “There’s my confident boyfriend!” Alex cheers happily. “I’ll have Amy drive me over. That way, if you can’t she can drive us.” I smile. “Thanks so much babe. I literally don’t know what I’d do without you by my side.” I blush at how cheesy that must’ve sounded. Apparently Alex didn't care. “We’re getting in her car now, do you want me to stay on the phone?” He’s so sweet. “Please?” I ask. “You got it.” I smile as I begin packing away some of my things. I hear my feet shuffling outside of my door. I sigh. It’s most likely my mom. She was so quiet, except for the crying & shit, during that whole debacle. I can’t believe that she just stood there. Alex keeps me semi-distracted by talking about random things while I’m packing. His mom even tells me as long as I’m the prime owner & driver of my truck, I can call the insurance company as transfer all my shit onto my own insurance plan. If the car isn’t paid for, then I can just set up monthly payments that I can afford on a part-time job. I inform her that the car is completely paid for. She just cheers and says that I should only have insurance to worry about and that she’ll help me figure all this out. I’m thankful that she’s so sweet & approves of Alex & I.

I zip up my 3rd bag, whoops. I look around my room one final time. I packed up some jeans, shirts, undertanks, flannels, socks, & underwear in one bag. Then I’ve got all my sports stuff in my duffle bag. And finally, my laptop, chargers, along with my other school shit (the 3 textbooks I had to take home for homework, the others are back at school in my locker), in my school bag. I grabbed my keys and finally opened my door. No one there anymore. I shrug as I hear Alex tell me on the phone that Amy & him were pulling up to my house now. I said ok and hung up. I come down the stairs to see my mother & father. Mom back to being quiet, but I can see the tracks of her tears. The throbbing from my left cheek finally surfacing. Ouch. That’s actually starting to sting more now. 

Dad still looks pissed as fuck, but has chosen to stay quite. His glare dead set on me. The doorbell rang and I opened the door to see the one person I really need right now. Alex… His smile turns into a gasp before he can even say hi. I immediately hugged him. He returns the hug without question. “Oh my god Josh! Are you ok?” He asks, pulling back just enough to carefully grab my face. I give him a small smile. “You’re here, so I will be.” I tell him. The way it makes him blush is just too cute. I let go of Alex and turn around to face my parents. “Before I leave, I want you two to meet who I feel to be the greatest guy in the world. My boyfriend Alex.” I say, grabbing ahold of Alex’s hand. The way Alex stands tall is amazing to me. “Hello.” Is all he says. When they say nothing, I shake my head. “I knew that would happen.” I mutter, but it’s loud enough for everyone to hear. “Alex, baby, can you grab my schoolbag?” I ask. “Sure thing babe.” He smiles, catching onto using the use of ‘babe’ & ‘baby’. “Thanks.” I smile. “Where’s Amy by the way?” I ask as I haul my duffle bag up onto my shoulder. Alex smiles, which always seems to make me feel better somehow. 

“She stayed in the car.” I nodded. “Well,” I sighed, turning back to my mother and father. They literally are just watching silently. “The last thing I need y’all to hear is that Alex makes me insanely happy. He’s taught me to be ok with who I am. Something I’ve needed to do for a long time. Everything about him brings me ease & makes me feel like I can get through anything. You want me gone? You’ve got your wish. I refuse to hide who I am any longer. I’m gay & have an amazing boyfriend named Alex. I just wish you could get to know this me instead of the fake version I’ve been parading around as. Your loss.” I finish what I need to say. I don’t need to yell, and I’m certainly not gunna let them win by crying for them anymore. I feel Alex squeeze my hand gently. “Let’s go babe.” Is all he says, but he says it so gently. Like there’s more to the message than those simple 3 words. He kisses my cheek and I nod smiling softly. 

We walk out the front door, leaving my parents stunned with I said to them. I guess my father broke out of his reverie because I can hear him shout about not paying for my truck. I waved him off. It’s fully paid off and I’ll just have to pay for my own insurance. I know it’ll be hard, but I’ve got this. With Alex beside me, I feel like anything is possible. Amy hops out of the car and that’s when it hits me. I really just got kicked out. Amy’s arms are around me faster than I think my mind can comprehend. I also realize she’s in ‘around-the-house-bum closes’. She didn’t even change when she heard… She just came racing. I look over and finally realize that Alex is wearing a thin hoodie and joggers. 

They care so much… When my parents couldn’t give a damn. I flinch when I feel a gentle pair of hands on my face. “Oh sweetheart!” Amy exclaims. “Let’s hurry and get back to the house so we can get a better look at that ok?” Amy says caringly. But I can see the fire in her eyes. She hugged me once again and help Alex and I put my stuff into my truck. “I take it Alex will ride with you?” She asks with a smile. Alex nodded. I grabbed his hand & we told Amy we’d see her in a few minutes. The drive was a comfortable silence, aside from the radio at a low volume. We pulled up to his house, leaving my bags in the backseat of my truck. I locked my truck up and we walked inside. 

And just like that, I had the wind knocked out of me as I was only given a second before Clair crashes into me. For some reason this makes me laugh. “Well hello to you to.” I say. She looks up at me, her eyes widen. “Mom wasn’t lyin’. Come ‘ere.” She she says, pulling me into their bathroom. Apparently their bathroom connects both her & Alex’s rooms. I lean against the counter. Alex walks in with an ice pack, Amy following soon after him, walking into the bathroom. “Josh dear, do you remember what I said when we met?” She asked me. I nodded. “Yes ma’am.” She smiled. “Good, then you should know that you do have a place here in my home should your plans with your other friend not go through. Also, I want you to know I’m beyond happy for you & Alex. A parent should only want to see their kids happy. What…” She paused. “What you went through today should never happen to a child. Ever. And I’m so very sorry it happened to you.” She said, and I can actually feel the anger in her voice that she had towards my parents. She walked over a few steps to hug me. And I mean really hug me. I hugged back. “Thanks Amy.” 

She smiled and then addressed all of us. “I’m gunna make some sweet tea for all of us. Josh, you are more than welcome to stay for dinner.” We all nodded and she left us alone. Clair handed Alex the ice pack. “There ya go lover boy. Take care of Boy Wonder.” She smirked. I chuckled and shook my head as Alex just blushed and told her to “Hush”. So here I am, in my boyfriend’s bathroom, him icing my cheek that my father had slapped. “Amy’s right ya know. You didn't deserve this at all.” It looked like he was gunna cry. How is it that I just got kicked out, but I wanna comfort him? I took his hand for a moment. “Alex, babe, look at me. Yeah, it may not have been the way I wanted, but I was tired of hiding my relationship with you. Am I scared? Fuck yeah. But I know I’ll be ok. You even told me that.” I said, smiling. He pouted. “But you got hurt.” Instead of saying anything right away, I leaned down and kissed his cheek. “If I got any do-overs for today, I’d do nothing different.” He smiled at that. 

Alex then continued to ice my cheek and we just continued talking. His phone went off and he checked it. Apparently Clair had texted him from the other room. His smile grows ten-foot. “What?” I ask. He looks up from his phone. “Clair just came out to her mom!” He states proudly. I smiled. “That’s great!” We decide that my cheek can only take so much ice and make our way back to the living room where there’s a pitcher of sweet tea on the coffee table with some glasses. We pour ourselves some and sit down. “Thanks.” I smile. Amy nods. “No problem.” I then texted Brad that he needed to call me. 

One second later, my phone rings and I excused myself to the side porch. I sit on the porch swing and proceed to tell everything. “Holy fuck dude.” He breathes out. “I definitely will ask my mom if you can stay with us. They’re not homophobic as far as I know. Not like some asshole adults in this town.” He says. “Thanks man. Just text me and let me know.” I tell him. “I will.” He hangs up and I walk back inside. 

I sit back down on the couch next to Alex. “Was that Brad?” He asked. I nodded. “I told him what all happened and he says as far as he knows his parents aren’t homphobic, so it shouldn’t be a problem for me to stay there.” I told Alex, Clair, & Amy. Amy nods. “And I want you to know, I always have a place here for you if something were to happen.” I smiled. “Thank you.” She nods. “Are you staying over for dinner?” I blanked. “I kinda forgot to mention to Brad that I might stay here for dinner.” I admit sheepishly. Amy laughs. “Just text him. That way it gives his family time to discuss, ya know?” I nodded. “Yes Ma’am.” I did just that. Brad texted back an ‘ _Ok_.’. I put my phone away. 

Amy smiles and looks at the clock. “Great! Well, I’ll start on dinner seeing as it’s already 6:30. I hope y’all like beef stew.” We all nod. Clair blushes, “Mom, do you think Bailey can come over for dinner too?” All I see right then is Amy’s eyes shine. “Of course! I wanna meet her!” She gushes. “Invite her on over and I’ll prepare dinner for 5.” Amy smiles and makes her way into the kitchen. That’s when Alex & I turn towards Clair. “Details!” Alex exclaims. Clair laughs and gestures for us to follow her. To her room I assume. And I would be correct. 

We all 3 settle onto Clair’s bed and she proceeds to tell us how exactly she came out to her mom while Alex was icing my cheek. “I just told her how cool I thought it was of her to be there for you guys like this. Then we just got to talking about the subject of acceptance in general, which is when I kinda got the hint that she knew something was up with me. That's when I just bit the bullet and asked if there was anything she wanted to ask me.” Alex and I urged her to continue. She giggled. “Well she responded with ‘ _Is there anything you want to_ **_tell_ ** _me?’_ ” Clair told us, imitating her mom. We both gave her a hug. “That’s so cute!” Alex says with a big smile. I nodded. “Good for you.” I tell her. She smiles. Then her phone dings. She looks at it. “Bailey can come over!” She cheered. After that, we just hung out until Bailey arrived. Clair went to introduce her mom & girlfriend to each other while Alex & I went to hang out in his room. No, we didn’t just start making out. It felt a bit rude to do that after how nice Amy’s been. Alex & I just watched youtube until Amy called for dinner. 

Now this was something new. A family dinner that I actually enjoyed being apart of. Amy looked over. “Josh, I know a lot’s happened today, but are you ok?” She asked sweetly. I nodded. “I was just thinking about how this is something new for me. A family dinner, I mean. A nice one.” I smiled. She did too. “I’m glad.” This was really nice. Clair, Bailey, Alex, Amy, & I. I never thought in my entire life I’d be here. Sitting at a dinner table with my _boyfriend_ and his family. It may not be a blood-related family for him, but it’s his. And what’s nice is it kinda feels like mine too. In a way. It feels really nice. After dinner, Amy surprised us all with a warm apple cobbler for dessert. 

While eating dessert, I get a call from Brad. Once again, I go outside to the side porch and sit on the porch swing. This time, Alex joins me and hold my hand while I talk to brad on the phone. “What’s up man?” I ask. He takes an audible deep breath. “I’m sorry dude. My parents feel for you and have nothing against you, but our house isn’t that big. It’s already 5 of us. They don’t mind you crashing here for a night or so, maybe even a week. But they’re really sorry it’s not more than that.” He explains. “Dude, don’t worry about it. Clair’s mom said she can make room for me if I needed.” I reassured him. “Are you sure?” He asks. I laugh. “Dude, stop worrying. I’ll be fine.” I tell him. He sighs. “Alright.” I get a feeling there’s something else… “Brad, man, are _you_ ok?” I ask. It’s a few seconds before he says anything. “It might be a rough day at school tomorrow. That kid on junior varsity whose mom told your parents, well, he blabbed to everyone he knew and you know how small towns go…” He told me. It was like my world froze, all over again. 

“Everyone knows?” I ask. “Uh-huh.” He says. That's when it hit me. All this time, I haven’t checked my phone except to call and text Brad & Alex. “It’s all over social media, isn't it?” I gulped. His sigh confirms my suspicions. “Fuck!” I try not to shout. I look over to see Alex’s face. From the look he’s giving me, he’s caught on. But he’s keeping a firm hold onto my hand. “I’m really sorry bro.” I sigh. “It’s not your fault. It’s like you guys have been telling me. I’m not alone. I’ve got this.” Brad agrees and we hang up. I then take this moment to check my phone. Alex uses his other hand to tilt my face towards him. “Are you sure you wanna do that?” He asks, gesturing to my phone. I nodded. “I can take it.” He frowns. “It’s just that… I’ve done what you’re about to do. And it’s going to hurt baby. I need you to know that.” He heeded me a gentle warning. I nodded. “Thanks Alex. But I need to look at it now, so when we go to school tomorrow, I can handle shit better.” He smiles and kisses my cheek. “You’ve got this.”

I kiss him sweetly before finally looking at my phone. Texts from the team started coming through. Most of the Varsity guys I play all 3 sports with are pretty supportive. Only like, 3 of them had a problem with it, and they’re 2nd string anyways. Half of the JV kids are being assholes, that’s nothing new. I then see the text from Lukas. 

_I knew there was a reason I liked Alex. lol Congrats man. You know I’m behind you._

_-Lukas_

That made me happy- seeing the guys who I’ve spent the past few years playing with being mostly supportive. Some were only a bit hurt that I hid it from them, but understood why I did. Ex-’girlfriends’ texted me, mainly hurt, but some were pissed off. I only apologized to the few who I actually never wanted to hurt. Then I checked my Facebook to see messages from people who I didn’t even know. Most of them only knew me as the quarterback, so I’m not surprised to see hateful messages. Alex was right though, it does hurt. But there are positive messages too. 

_Gay quartback? Can you say hell yeah?! It’s time this town got a reality check! It’s fuckin 2020 now. - Ameila_

_Fuck y’all who aren’t behind this talented athlete! So he’s got a boyfriend? Y’all only angry or upset ‘cause half of y’all still single! -Austin_

_I’ve defended his ass since the summer before freshman year when we started training for football, and I’ll keep defindin’ it ‘til we graduate next year. -Brad_

_GO JOSH! Don’t worry, I’ll still cheer you on at gamers & meets! -Bailey _

_I couldn’t ask for a better guy for my best friend! <3 - Clair _

“This is crazy!” I exclaim. Alex laughs. “Looks like not everyone hates you after all.” He winks, making me laugh. “It’s still gunna be rough tomorrow.” He warns me. I nod. “I know. Especially since I have no idea how Coach is gunna deal with this.” I tell Alex. He gently squeezes my hand. “It’s like Brad said. You’re the best right? They can’t kick you off.” He smiled up at me. I smiled back. Then I kissed him. We ended up making out. We hear a cough at the door. Blushing, we pull away. Amy just laughs. “Y’all don’t gotta be shy now. I just wanted to check on ya to see what’s going on and if you’re holding up ok.” I nodded. “Is that offer to stay here still open?” I ask. She grins. “Of course silly. Now come on inside and finish your cobblers.” We got up. “Yes Ma’am.” We said and followed her inside. We all finished our cobblers and cleared our dishes. Then Bailey hugged the both of us and said she needed to get home. Amy let Clair use her car to take Bailey home.

Amy looked at me. “Now you boys know I’m fully supportive of your relationship, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gunna set some ground rules.” She explained. We both nodded. I smiled. “Great.” She directs us over to the couch and then moves the coffee table over to the side. “This is a pullout sofa bed. So you can sleep here. There’ll be no sleepovers in Akex’s room, but if y’all feel like spending a night together, just to sleep, you can out here.” I can feel my own face heat up. Alex blushes too. We both nod. She smiles. “Also, if you’re going out, be back by 1 AM on friday & saturday nights, or nights where there’s no school, & 11 PM on school nights.” She goes through her other basic house rules. Which are all fair to say the least. Hey, she’s letting me move in, the least I can do is follow some simple rules. 

“Josh sweetheart, how about we grab your bags from your truck and take them up to Alex’s room? He should have some extra closet space.” Amy suggested. I nodded and we did exactly that. Turns out, Alex has half his clothes in his dresser anyways, so I now have a drawer in his dresser and share half his closet. “Just remember that their bathroom is connected, so just double check to see if Clair is in there first.” She reminds me. “Yes Ma’am.” She smiles and hugs me. When she lets go, that’s when she decides to tell me. “Now Josh, I believe myself to be a humble woman, trying not to cast anger or negativity towards anyone. So don’t get me wrong when I say this, but I just have to.” I nodded. She continued. “But the way your parents handled this all is something parents should _never_ do. I have half a mind to go back over there and tell them _exactly_ what I think of them. But I know that I shouldn’t because it’s not my place. I just know they’re making a huge mistake on deciding to miss out on your life.” She told me. I smiled. “Thanks Miss, I mean, Amy. It’s really nice to hear that.” She smiled. “I’m glad. Also, I wanted you boys to know that since I’m off work tomorrow, Clair can drive you guys to school. I’m pretty sure you’re aware Josh that even though your truck is paid for, driving without insurance is still illegal.” She informed us. I knew where she was getting at. My dad father probably already took my car and license number off his insurance. 

Amy looked at me with a soft smile. “I’ll be sure to help you find some sort of coverage alright?” I returned her soft smile with one of my own. “I don’t know how else to say thank you.” She gave a gentle laugh. “Just keep your grades up, don’t fall behind in either your classes or sports, & maybe even possibly find a small job for your car. But that last one can wait a bit.” She winked. “Well, it’s getting late. Good night boys, don’t stay up too late.” Amy then leaves us be. Alex smiles and grabs my hand. He kisses my cheek. “Can I just say I’m really proud of you?” I smile at him. “Thanks Alex.” I hug him. We pull away and I nervously rub my neck. “So, it’s a bit embarrassing, but I was wondering if you wanted to crash on the sofa bed with me tonight? After everything today, I kinda don’t wanna…” He cut me off. “Be alone?” He smiled. “You don’t have to be embarrassed Josh. I understand.” I can not believe how lucky I am to have a boyfriend like Alex. I kiss his cheek. “You’re amazing, you know that?” He blushes and laughs. “I try.” I laugh too. “How about we go lay down on the sofa bed & watch youtube or whatever until we fall asleep?” I smile. “That sounds amazing babe.” We grab blankets and head out into the living room where the sofa bed is still open from earlier. Alex and I set up our bed for the night. He sets alarms for school in the morning and plugs our phone chargers into the walk. We spend the night watching _Criminal Minds_ and eventually I feel my eyes slowly beginning to close. Arms wrapped around Alex, after a day like today, I can’t ask for anything more. Soon enough, sleep takes over and I drift into slumber all the while cuddled up with my amazing boyfriend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:
> 
> HAPPY NEW YEAR! Oh my god, that was really intense for me to write you guys. One, I had some family shit happen and couldn’t write for a few days. Two, like I said at the start of this chapter, I do NOT condone using these derogatory terms nor do I think it’s right, but unfortunately it does happen. I wanted to show a true moment in the LGBTQ+ community (especially since I’ve been called some myself), but I also didn’t want to “weaken” Josh- if that’s even the right wording lol. But I wanted to show him at a more vulnerable stage in his life. I also wanted to show that there are different types of parents when it comes to their children coming out and that some even take in other kids or their kids’ significant others. Also, I realize I gave Brad’s little sister & Clair’s mom that same name (Amy), but hey, chalk it up to it’s a small town? \\_^.^_/ Thanks again so much for reading guys, it means a lot to me & truly makes my day. <3


	10. Diving In Head First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh's first day at school after coming out/being outed and the swim & dive team try-outs!

** ** Trigger Warning: Chapter includes  **

** homophobia and bullying!! ** **

** Josh’s POV: **

I wake up to the sound of my alarm going off. I try to sit up, but soon realize that Alex is cuddled up to my right side. I chuckle and just reach for my phone. I turn off the alarm and set my phone down. I rub my eyes awake and just take a second to glance over at Alex. Still sleeping, somehow despite my loud ass alarm. Smile on his face, not yet ready to leave whatever dream he’s entranced in. He really is my rock. I don’t think I could’ve come out with only Brad & Lukas in my corner. They’re great guys, and I’m grateful to have them as my best friends, but there’s just something about having Alex by my side that just makes everything in life easier. Coming out or just general life things. He’s always encouraging, smiling when things get hard, making me smile & laugh, it’s just… A side of life I’ve never let myself witness. Here’s a guy who’s been through hell and still smiles and stays true to being himself. Something I hope to be able to do one day.

Slowly, his eyes start to flutter open. His smile just gets wider as he wipes his eyes. “Morning sleepy.” I say. He chuckles. “How long have you been up?” He asks. I shrug. “Only a few minutes.” He nods and sits up. “You ready for today?” He asks. I frown a tiny bit. “As ready as I’ll be.” He tilts his head with a slight smile. “Hey, remember, I’ll be right beside you. Good thing we have every class together.” There he goes again, his charm shining through storms. I kiss his cheek. “A really good thing.” He blushes and it’s that moment where a cough in the distance breaks through our little bubble from the world around us. We look to the far side of the living room to see Clair & her mom staring at us with arms crossed and smirks on their faces. Red fills my cheeks. Amy chuckles. “Breakfast’s ready lover boys.” They turn around and walk towards the kitchen/dining room where I’m guessing breakfast is.

We get up and stretch, then head to breakfast. After eating and thanking Amy for making us breakfast, the 3 of us go get changed. Clair goes to her room, and Alex and I blush as we realize I put my clothes away in his room. “I’ll change in the bathroom.” I tell him. He nodded shyly. I grabbed some jeans, a gray long-sleeve v-neck shirt, an old jean jacket, and some socks. I get dressed, and brush my teeth & hair. I exit the bathroom as Alex is sliding his shoes on. He’s got a thin black long-sleeve on underneath a [Falling In Reverse shirt](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/64/ff/bd/64ffbdeea4ae10ad27aca24e559fe3ca.jpg), some dark blue ripped skinny jeans, his combat boots, a black beanie over his semi-flat ironed hair, and a pair of bright blue tunnels in his ears to match his shirt. He smiles at me as I grab my cowboy boots and my varsity jacket. I smile back. We grab our bags and head to my truck. We meet Clair at the door. We wave goodbye to her mom and head out. 

It’s a quick drive, but as soon as we pull into a parking spot, I feel all the nerves hit me. Alex grabs my hand. “It’ll be ok.” He kisses my knuckles. I nodded, his assurance helped. We hop out of my truck and immediately are met by Brad, Lukas, & Sophie. They all smile. “Ready dude?” Lukas asks. I smirk. Fuck these nerves man! “As ready as I’ll ever be.” Both Brad and Lukas smile and high-five me. Minutes later, Bailey runs up to us, almost crushing Clair. “Excited much?” Alex jokes. We all laugh. Bailey sticks out her tongue. “I just can’t wait to watch Clair at try-outs today.” Bailey says with a smile. We all then start walking towards our lockers, then to our 1st classes. I got a few stares or glimpses in the hallways, but nothing bad. Of course, when Alex, Clair, & I walk in, all eyes are on us. Or well, me really. I feel Alex brush his hand against mine. 

I sense his comfort and grab ahold of his hand and make my way to our seats. Algebra 2 doesn’t seem that challenging, the teacher gives us the lowdown of the week’s assignment schedule and we take notes on the section, then are left to our own devices for the 20 assigned homework questions. Clair, Alex, and I finish pretty easily thanks to Alex’s brain. We pack up a few minutes before the bell, but I don’t know how gym is gunna go. The bell rings and the 3 of us meet Brad & Lukas down the pathway from the gym (we have a semi-open campus). Brad clasps my shoulder and Lukas gives me a nod. “It’ll be cool dude. Don’t worry. Just act like you normally do, it’s no different. We got you if anyone wants to start shit.” Brad says. Lukas nods in affirmation. I take a deep breath and nod. Bailey hugs me before heading towards the girls’ locker room and the 4 of us guys head to the guys’ locker room. 

We’re the first ones here, which isn’t surprising. We kind of tried to make that happen. We put our bags in our lockers and grab our gym clothes. Alex heads into the stall to change while Brad, Lukas, and I start changing by our lockers. As we’re just about finished, no shirts on because we’re still in our swimming unit, the other guys start trailing in. They stop and look at the 3 of us stuffing the last of our shit into our lockers. “You know,” One of them starts talking, he’s on the junior varsity team, “you don’t have to get here early to change. Whoever you date doesn’t matter here.” I slightly smile and mumble my thanks. It’s that moment when Alex steps out of the stall in his normal swimming wear- hot topic swim trunks (these were BVB themed) & a thin black long-sleeved shirt. 

Another guy scoffs, he’s also from the JV team. “Says you. If he wants to get here early, that’s fine by me. Better if the fag doesn’t watch us change. Or better yet, he can change in a stall away from the rest of us like his boyfriend.” A few guys, maybe 2 or 3, mumble in agreeance. Alex winces very slightly, but I see it. Lukas scoffs in return. “If you guys got a problem with it, that’s on y’all. It makes no difference in class or on the field. Josh is still our Varsity captain and one of the best athletes Clover high has ever had. You best remember that you’re only JV level, so you guys still have got a lot to learn. Especially from Josh and the rest of us Varsity guys.” Lukas is up in these guys faces. Brad puts a hand on Lukas’ shoulder and steps in to finish. “Take a look around. Do you see any of the varsity guys startin’ trouble? No. Because we all know the importance of the game and how good teamwork & team camaraderie affects that game. Problem or not, we play the sport because for some of us, it’s a way out of this town.” All the Varsity guys start speaking up now. “Most of you JV guys are in 9th & 10th grade and haven’t grown up. If you’re serious about this one little fact, then you’re obviously not serious about the sports you play.” One of our Varsity defense guys says. 

Another guy speaks up, this time, it’s from one of the Varsity swim team guys. “Take away whoever any of us date, and we’re still athletes on our respective teams. Josh is still Captain of 3 of the top sports at Clover. If you can’t follow basic respect and decency, you have no right to play.” All of the older athletes and even guys who don’t play any sports and were just scheduled for our gym class, they all start agreeing with these guys who are speaking up. They look my way and one by one, they each nod their support towards me. I nod my thanks in return. “Common boys!” Brad shouts. “Let’s start swimmin’ already!” Most guys laugh and soon, the whole class is in the school pool. Swimming laps and other activities Coach assigns us. Once he dismisses us to get changed 10 minutes before the bell, Coach pulls me aside while everyone gets changed. 

“Freeman, how’s preparations for try-outs today?” He asks. “All clear and ready Sir.” I tell him. He nods. “Good. Oh, and starting tomorrow, at the end of each football practice, you are to run extra pass routes and run an extra 5 laps around the track around the field. For swim practices, which are in the morning now on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, you’ll come early and swim some extra laps before the guys. I want you to work on your backstroke & butterfly techniques and times. Your freestyle is already great. You need to be on top of all of this now more than ever kid. Ya hear me?” He throws all this information at me. I nod. “Yes Sir.” “Dismissed.” I nod again and head to get changed. I’m glad I walk in when I do, because I see Lukas and Brad and a few other varsity guys blocking some JV brats from Alex. Immediately, I barrel through once some comments make their way to my ears.

_“Come on, you’ve gotta tell us. Is THE Josh Freeman really gay?”_

_“You’re always changing in the stall, a hickey can be proof enough.”_

I know the guys blocking Alex off from these brats are dodging these rude ass fucking comments, but I don’t care. I come up behind them. “You dumbasses must really wanna end your high school football career at the JV level.” I say, not giving a fuck how threatening that may sound. They back off and scoff. I thank all the guys for defending Alex. Then I grab Alex’s wrist and lead him just a few feet away. “Are you ok?” I ask. He nods. “Just got some bad flashbacks.” I feel like shit now. All this time, I’ve been worried about myself and I didn’t even think about how others might treat Alex. He hardens his face, well, the best that he can. It’s kinda cute. But I’ll keep that thought to myself. “Don’t do that. Don’t feel bad for me. I’ve been through this, as much as it sucks, I know what to expect. Plus, I didn’t realize dating the quarterback meant I got my own protection team.” He smirks. I laugh. “Whatever you say babe.” I kiss his cheek. “I’m gunna change ok?” He nods. I go change near my locker and once it all cools down, the four of us (Brad, Lukas, Alex, & myself) meet Clair outside the locker rooms. Clair immediately hugs Alex. “I heard some assholes talking about something that happened in the locker room. I’m sorry Alex.” Alex actually smiles at her. “Hey, don’t worry Clair. I’m ok.” She looks skeptical, but decides to let it go. “How are you?” She asks me. I shrug. “It’ll get better.” She nods and then thanks Lukas and Brad for helping out Alex. 

The next few classes go off without much else happening. Chemistry is ok. We’re put into groups again. Lukas, Brad, Alex, and I decide to stick together and we find the assignment isn't to hard once we get the formula down. Alex finishes the last step for our group, and that’s when the guys look at him & I. Silently asking Alex if he’s really ok. I sigh and look at Alex. He nods and takes a deep breath. “At my last school, before I was homeschooled, I was bullied real bad. I was known as both the gay kid and the..'' Another breath. “The kid covered in scars. Clair’s mom fought and got custody of me and put me in homeschooling for grade 10. Just long enough to get my grades back up a bit and for some wounds, mostly exterior, to heal. That’s why I kinda locked up back there in the locker room.” Lukas and Brad stayed quiet. I gently held Alex’s hand. “But what was different this time is that I had a bunch of jocks defending me, not harassing me.” He smirked. “Dating the quarterback has its perks.” The guys both laugh at that. I chuckle. “How are you so amazing?” I ask Alex. 

He shrugs. “When something you’ve already seen or been through happens again, it’s not as surprising.” He grabs my hand. “I’m serious. I’m fine. I was more stunned by the fact that I was actually being defended this time more than anything. And that goes for y’all too.” He looks towards Lukas and Brad. They nod. “We got you dude. Both of you.” Brad says. Lukas agrees. Then it’s my turn to answer questions. “What did Coach want?” Brad asks. I sigh and tell them the extra training I get. “Damn dude. That’s insane.” Lukas says. I nod. “Yeah, but I get it though. I don’t know exactly if Coach is cool with me being gay, but I know most of this town probably isn’t and especially other schools. So if I can increase my stamina, my athletic intuition, my swim times, the techniques, all of it, there’ll be nothing for others to pick at.” They all nod. “But that’s gotta be tough with class assignments.” Alex pouts. I smile and squeeze his hand. “I got this babe.” He smiles back. 

We hear a small couch. “Now that y’all are done eye-fucking…” Brad elbows Lukas, but we’re all laughing. We turn in the assignment and the rest of the day is good. We had lunch with Bailey and Clair, who is beyond ready for try-outs. Lukas, Brad, & I found it funny, but were excited as well. The rest of the school day passes by, and I’m in the library with Alex. He’s checking out books, and I’m restocking the books that were checked in earlier today. That’s when it happens. One of the guys checking out a book, goes “Thanks fag.” Then walks past me and shoves me. I’m not a small guy by any means, but I did lose my footing for a second. He walks out of the library, but Mrs. Tina (the librarian) walks to the 2 of us. “Are y’all ok?” She asks. Alex nods. “I am. Josh, baby, you ok?” He asks me. Mrs. Tina looks at me. I shrug. “It’s nothing I didn’t expect to happen.” I told them. Mrs. Tina frowns. “If you boys and your friends ever need a place to relax, you’re more than welcome anytime in my library.” She hugs us. “I can finish the rest of this ok?” She says, talking about the half cart of books to be put away. I start to protest, but she isn’t having any of it. “You’ve got those try-outs today and you’re the team captain. Go.” She smiles and writes us passes just in case we get stopped. Alex and I grab our bags and thank her. Alex then walks with me to the pool where Brad & Lukas have already gotten permission to get here early.

Alex smiles at me and takes my bag over to a spot on the bleachers to watch. Brad, Lukas, and I start getting everything set up for the try-outs while Coach makes an announcement on the loudspeaker from his office about try-outs. Encouraging all teachers who have students trying out to dismiss those students from class about 10 minutes early so they can get changed and all this stuff. I guess it works because when it’s about that time, girls and guys start lining up to sign in. Lukas checks off their names and gives them each a number to attach to their swimsuits. It’s just peel & stick numbers, but they’re waterproof (obviously) and it helps Coach, the rest of the team , and I distinguish between the different swimmers. Brad hands everyone a water bottle once they exit the changing rooms. Then they all line up- 24 girls on the left side of the pool, and 20 guys are on the right side of the pool. Coach explains how try-outs will be conducted. There are 3 parts to this try-out:

  1. A medley relay where each side were divided into teams of 4 and each person swims 25 meters with different types of strokes. The first swimmer swims backstroke, the 2nd swimmer swims breaststroke, the 3rd swimmer swims butterfly, and the final swimmer swims freestyle. The girl teams will go first, and then the guys will go next. 
  2. After the medley, it’s all individual. Girls and guys will all swim each stroke type for 25 meters as well. It’s a bit extensive, but this way each swimmer has the chance to showcase each stroke since some are better at different strokes than others. So after a short break, the guys will line up along the lanes, 5 guys at a time. Then the girls will go and since there’s a few more girls, all 8 lanes in the pool will be used at a time. Each side takes a turn, so the lineup of stroke types will be the same order as the medley- backstroke, breaststroke, butterfly, & freestyle. So all the girls will swim backstroke, then the guys will swim backstroke. Next, the girls will swim breaststroke, then the guys will. And so on. 
  3. Finally, diving. There are 5 different types of dives and 4 different positions for diving. To judge try-outs for diving, Coach, Brad, & I came up with a plan. We’ll cut people before we start the diving portion. In total, we had 45 students trying out. We’ll cut this number down to 30. Since there are only 8 open spots on both the girls’ & guys’ teams, that means we have 16 open spots, which is just over half of the number we’re cutting down to. We’ll be cutting people based on their times. And even with 16 open spots, 4 of those spots- 2 for each team- are bench spots. So unfortunately, we’ll be cutting practically two-thirds of the all the students trying out today.



After the cuts are made and we’re down to our 30 swimmers, we’ll test the diving positions & diving types. Depending on the ratio of girls to guys, guys will go first since cutting people will give them a small break to rest, then the guys will go up. How we’ll divide everyone up then, we’ll deal with that when it comes up.But essentially, each swimmer will dive each type from a given position. Depending on how they do, we’ll either decide they just need an adjustment of the position with each dive type, or that they just aren’t cut out for diving- which sometimes is the case. 

Since we’re the top 2 guys on the guys’ swim & dive team, Coach has Brad & I watching from either side of him. The Girls’ captain is also watching along with her vice captain, but they’re sitting with their own clipboards off to the side of the pool. Brad and I have been swimming for years, and we’ve swam together since the summer before freshman year. We know what to look for and how to take mental notes. It also helps that we each have a clipboard with each swimmer’s number on it. So with a plan in sight, Coach blows his whistle to signal the first round of try-outs. 

** Clair’s POV: **

Coach blows his whistle and Josh and this girl- who I assume is the Girls’ team captain- step up. “Hey guys, I’m Josh, captain of the guys’ swim and dive team.” Josh introduces himself. Then the girl speaks up. “And I’m Sophie, captain of the Girls’ swim & dive team.” She smiles. Coach nods Josh’s way. “Alright, today we have 3 portions of the try-outs for guys & girls swim & dive. A 25-meter medley, then an individual assessment on each of the 4 types of swimming styles- backstroke, breaststroke, butterfly, & freestyle and finally a diving assessment.” Josh starts explaining what’s planned for today. Then Sophie steps up again. “Due to the large number of people trying out today, before heading into the diving portion of try-outs, we will be cutting some of you based on a number of factors. Just do your best, and I’m sure no matter what, it’ll be a fun time.” Sophie seems very nice. I hope I make it that far. Looking to the bleachers, Alex and Bailey are each holding 2 thumbs up. I smile and turn my attention back to Josh & Sophie. But now Brad & another girl step up.

“Hey y’all, I’m Brad, vice captain of the guys’ swim and dive team.” He introduces himself, then lets the other girl talk. “And I’m Amanda, vice captain of the Girls’ swim & dive team.” Brad addresses all of us again. “So for today, the guys will be going first for the first 2 parts for try-outs, then after taking a bit of a break during cuts, the girls will start out the diving section. Now, when you all signed in, you were given a number. We’re going to shout out numbers in groups of 4. Girls, you’ll end up with 6 groups of 4 and guys, you’ll have 5 groups of 4. Among your teams, you guys will decide who will swim what in the medley. The typical order for a medley relay is backstroke, breaststroke, butterfly, & finally, freestyle. Here’s a hint, the last swimmer for a medley is usually the fastest swimmer of the group. This will show us not only what each swimmer feels is their best stroke, this also shows us your ability to work as a team. Don’t worry though, if you can’t swim your best stroke, it doesn’t always work out that way in a medley. There’s still a chance to show us how you swim each style in the 2nd part of today’s try-outs.” After explaining this, Brad and Amanda start shouting out numbers and assigning group orders. Us girls have 6 groups of 4, and my group is the 3rd one. 

The four of us start talking. Of the 4 of us, 2 of us are juniors, 1 is a sophomore, and 1 is a freshman. “I have a decent butterfly if none of you are comfortable with that one. I’ve got a decent time too. ” The freshman pipes up. We nod. I’m ok with butterfly, but it’s not my strongest. “I can swim breaststroke.” The sophomore says. “I’ve got a pretty good time record from middle school that I can still keep up with.” That leaves us juniors to decide who will start our medley and who will finish it. “Clair right?” She asks me. I nod. “Yeah.” She smiles. “You swam freshman year right?” I nodded. “UI took 10th grade off to help my best friend with some things.” I told the 3 of them. The other junior was beaming. “I knew it! You had one of the fastest times that year. Can you swim free? I’m good with backstroke and can swim it pretty fast.” I smiled. “Sounds like a plan.” We confirmed our lineup once more with each other before group 2 was called. We stood in our place and waited. 

This group was pretty good. Soon the whistle blows and Coach calls out group 3- us. We line up and the other junior of our group takes her place. Whistle blows again and she's off. Wow, she is fast. Next, the sophomore jumps in. She wasn’t kidding about her time either, it’s definitely between 8th and 9th grade level, but her form & technique is nice. She soon hops out and our team’s freshman jumps in. Damn, that is a great butterfly! I finally take my place as she makes her way back to me. I hear Alex & Bailey cheer. Makes me smile. 

And then I jump…

** Josh’s POV: **

Holy shit. I knew Clair said she used to swim, but shit. Not only is her time on point with girls who are already on the girls’ team, her form for the freestyle is really fucking good. Personally, I love swimming free. It’s amazing. As soon as she jumped, she’s done. She actually finished about 10 seconds faster than the other girls swimming freestyle so far. Coach blows his whistle again and continues to call out groups. Sophie smiles at Amanda. Honestly, Clair’s whole team was pretty damn good. They both make notes as group 4 of the girls start their medley relay. Oof, that wasn’t pretty. They were all pretty much still at the beginner level. 

Next thing we know, the guys are starting their medleys. Brad and I turn on auto-focus practically as we watch the 5 groups of guys swim. From this alone, we pretty much cut 2 groups. Not all of them were bad, but their times either weren’t great or their technique was still at the beginning level. Also, the 4th group of guys totally didn’t listen to Brad’s time hint earlier. The fastest guy went 3rd. Of course, it was probably because he’s got a good butterfly. But with medley relays, or any relays really, time is a huge factor, and him going 3rd instead of first or last, shows us that he just wanted to show off right away and didn’t care about strategy. Brad and I both exchanged looks. 

Soon, we finish up the medleys. Sophie & Amanda jog up to us before we start explaining the process for part 2. “Josh, Brad, holy shit. You guys know Clair right?” Sophie asks us excitedly. We nod. “Did y’all know she can swim like that?” Amanda asked. We both shook our heads. “Nope. I wouldn’t even tell her anything about the plan for try-outs today.” I tell them. They nod as Coach decides to explain part 2 of try-outs. 

  


** Clair’s POV: **

God that was a rush! Our team was so happy with our times. We just hope Coach and the captains and vice captains were too. We actually get a chance to introduce ourselves once the guys finish their medleys. Our freshman girl is Maya, the sophomore on our team is Hannah, and the other junior is Julie. We watch the guys swim their medleys. 

Then Coach blows his whistle. Allowing us a short break before they start the individual judging. We’re all drinking our water, when Lukas and some other guy walk up to some empty tables with some boxes. “More water anyone?” Lukas shouts. About half of everyone trying out grabs another bottle. I decide to wait. Then Josh steps up. “Next, we’ll be starting the individual swimming portion of try-outs. This is where you’ll be swimming each of the 4 types of stroke techniques. Don’t worry about having to swim a stroke that you’re not the best at. This really shows us who is willing to swim something that takes them a bit out of their comfort zone. It also showcases swim times again, as well as which stroke is your best. So again, if you mess up on one type of stroke here, it’s not the end of the world.” Again, the reassurance is crazy. 

Sophie then steps up. “I’ll explain how this part will work. First we’ll have the girls come up, 8 at a time, and you guys will swim backstroke. After all 24 girls are done, you’ll be given a short rest time while all 20 guys line up, 5 at a time, and swim the backstroke as well. We’ll follow this pattern for all 4 types of swimming techniques. I’ll be calling the numbers in groups of 8 for the girls, and Josh will call out the numbers for the guys in groups of 5.” Seems simple enough. I’m good with pretty much all techniques since I was swimming back in middle school and freshman year. 

Turns out, by going 8 at a time, there’s only 3 groups of girls. I’m in the first group. Yay! I’m on lane 5, and I get into position. I hear the whistle and start going. God, this water feels amazing. Backstroke is my 2nd best stroke, so it doesn’t surprise me that I finish 25 meters in under a minute. Sophie helps me out and tells me good job. Her and Amanda do that for every girl in each group until all girls are done. It doesn’t shock me either that Julie got a great time too. The 4 of us from our medley group quickly find each other again and watch as Josh calls out the numbers 5 at a time for the guys. This gives them 4 groups to watch complete a backstroke for 25 meters. I notice Sophie writing down so much on her clipboard. I just hope some of it is good. Soon, the whistle blows again, and the guys start. 

About two-thirds of these guys are able to complete the backstroke under a minute, and a few stranglers fall behind by just over a minute. Josh and Brad follow Sophie and Amanda’s lead in helping the guys out of the pool. Then, keeping the same groups from the first stroke test, I join group 1 to get ready to swim a 25 meter breaststroke. Again, I’m in love with the water as soon as I’m in it. I struggle a tiny bit, but I’m able to be the 3rd girl finished. Again, Amanda and Sophie are helping each of us girls out of the pool. 

Again, the guys go up, and most of them actually do pretty well. One guy even managed to complete the breaststroke in about 48 seconds, according to my phone. Next up, butterfly. Otherwise known as the enemy to most high school swimmers. Well, except for Maya that is. She’s also a part of group 1 with me. She’s in lane 2. We all line up and get into position. Once the whistle blows, we’re off. So I didn’t struggle as much as I thought I would. Once in the water, I kept my calm and kept going. Turns out, Maya was the 2nd girl out of the pool. I was 5th. Eh, I can live with that. The rest of the girls struggle a bit more, a few of them unfortunately showing that they might get cut after part 2 of try-outs.

For the guys’ individual butterfly, I notice one guy who’s really good and fast. But, that’s when I remembered from the guys’ medleys. He was one of the faster guys, but chose to swim butterfly instead of freestyle. Which came off a bit showy to me. He might make it past the cuts, but that showoff-ness might be his downfall. Soon, the girls are called up for the 25-meter freestyle. Personally, swimming free has got to be my favorite. We line up and I take my place at lane 5. As soon as I hear Coach’s whistle, I jump in. I’m in my own world as I pass the other girls around me. I feel the other side of the pool already as I quickly turn around and head for the finish. When my face hits fresh air, I take a deep breath I didn’t know I needed. Sophie meets me and pulls me up. “Wow girl! That was awesome! Good job.” She smiles at me. And that’s when I finally look around to see the other girls starting to get out of the water. Holy shit… was I the first one?

** Josh’s POV: **

Brad and I are stunned. Clair finished first of the first group of girls in the 25 meter-free. “Damn.” Brad whispers. I second that. She definitely has a knack for swimming free. The other 2 groups of girls finish their free swims. Then we have the guys line up. The show off had a great butterfly time, but Brad & I can tell that even Coach was unimpressed with how the guy handled the medley. After all 20 guys finish their freestyle, Brad and I have easily cut 8 guys, which means Sophie & Amanda will have to cut at least 3 girls to get us down to 30 students for the final part of try-outs. The four of us meet up and talk about who we’ve chosen to cut, though we know ultimately it’s Coach’s decision. Turns out, Sophie & Amanda cut 9 girls. So together we dropped the number from 45 to 28. Which means we have an easier ratio to divide for the final portion of try-outs. So we have 15 girls & 12 guys. We give our final cut sheets to Coach. He looks them over. “I have to agree with you kids.” He says. What a relief. “Brad. Josh. Good job, cutting that guy who cared more about showing off than working with a team. No matter how good a guy is, the moment you lose camaraderie, it’s all downhill.” He agrees with us then. He approves Sophie and Amanda’s cuts too. “Go ahead and announce it. I’ll make the final position announcements at the very end.” 

We all knew that was coming. Coach is pretty cut-throat. Any other coach might have come up with a simpler try-out for high schoolers. But our school aims for nationals every season. We’ve made it about a few times in the past 40 years apparently, and seeing the stamina of us from the beginning is something Coach deems important. I look over to see Clair and all the other swimmers taking a much needed break. Welp, time to end it. Sophie, Amanda, Brad, & I stand on top of one of the tables. Brad whistles- loudly. “Thanks Brad.” I say. “Hey guys,” I address all 45 of them, “we’ve made a few cuts and are ready to announce who will be moving on to the diving portion of try-outs.” I say loud and clear. 

** Clair’s POV:**

As Maya, Julie, Hannah, and I are enjoying a much needed resting break, we see the 2 team captains & their vice captains get up on top of a table. Brad whistles to get everyone’s attention. “Hey guys,” Josh starts “we’ve made a few cuts and are ready to announce who will be moving on to the diving portion of try-outs.” Here goes nothing…

Sophie steps forward. “First of all, all of you girls did great. Some of you truly gave your all and it showed. It was a bit difficult, but Amanda and I have narrowed you girls down to 15. Will all girls line up along the edge of the pool?” Sophie asks; we all comply. Then Amanda makes her way over to us, and before I know what’s going on, she’s pushing girls one by one into the pool. She skips a few, but then I feel a hand on my back, without another second to think, I’m under water. 

I bob back up to the top to see 15 girls all floating in the pool, Maya, Julie, and Hannah included. “Congrats to the girls in the pool, you’ve made it to the final portion of try-outs!” Sophie shouts. We all start cheering. “Sorry girls.” Amanda says to the remaining 9. “There’s always next year. Sophie & I did see a few prospects for the next season, so please don’t feel discouraged.” She and Sophie gave each of the 9 girls a hug and let them leave to go get changed. Us 15 floating were told to get out of the pool and to wait while the guys’ cut announcements were made. The 9 girls came back out and joined a few people in the stands watching the try-outs. “GO CLAIR!!” I hear Alex & Bailey cheer. I laugh. Maya, Julie, & Hannah look at me. “That’s awesome of your friends to come watch and cheer for you.” Hannah says. I smile. “Yeah, but I doubt I’m the only one Alex is here to see.” I chuckle. Julie looks at me. “Oh! He’s the one Josh is dating, isn’t he?!” I smile and nod. “Yep. So while I know Alex is here to support me, I also understand that he’s here to support Josh too. And ogling his boyfriend, of course.” I laugh. So do they. “That’s super sweet honestly.” Maya says. 

Josh steps up and calls all the guys to the edge of the pool. “Do you think they’re gunna do the same thing that Sophie & Amanda did to the girls? Push the ones who made it into the pool?” Hannah asks. I shake my head. “They wouldn’t be that predictable. But I don’t think all of the guys are thinking that way. Maybe a few, but I think most of the guys are thinking the same as you. I’m thinking Brad & Josh are gunna switch it up.” I smirked. 

“After some thought, Brad and I have made the decision to cut 8 guys. So 12 of you will move on to the diving part of today’s try-outs.” Josh tells the guys. He then nods to Brad. Brad starts walking towards the guys waiting to see who’s cut and who’s moving on. Josh nods again and Brad nods back. Then, one by one, Brad starts handing out colored t-shirts. But, out of the 20 t-shirts, there are only 3 different colors- silver, purple, & blue. Brad gives 10 guys blue, 5 guys silver, and 5 guys purple. “Numbers 17, 12, & 10.” Josh shouts. Brad then pushes them into the water. Those guys were each wearing blue. They were all smiling, but that was short lived. “Sorry y’all. You’re cut.” Brad says. Oof. “Next, numbers 3, 15, & 19.” All wearing purple shirts. Brad pushes them. They looked upset. Josh smiles. “Y’all made it!” He shouts.

Ok, wow. They’re really switching this up. Part of me thinks the jocks just wanna have their fun. I chuckle. Of course this is how the guys would do it. Josh then nods to Brad and all of a sudden without any numbers being called, Brad pushes in 5 guys- 1 silver shirt and the rest blue shirts. “Number 16, you’re out dude.” Josh says. That was the show-off guy. I just knew they were gunna cut him. He didn’t seem like a team-player. “Lastly.” Josh shouts, “numbers 1, 5, 7, & 20.” Josh calls out four numbers- 2 purple shirts & 2 silver shirts. Brad pushes them in. “Sorry but y'all didn’t make it.” Brad calls out. 

Well, that’s one way to cut 8 guys. The rest standing cheered. “Congrats to those still standing,” Josh says. “Y’all also move on to the diving part of try-outs. Go ahead and jump in.” He tells them. They jump in without a second thought. After all of the guys are out of the pool, Coach steps up. “Ok, as you all know, this is a swimming and diving team. So far, we’ve tested out your skills with swimming, and now we’ll be looking at your diving. As explained earlier, now that we’ve narrowed the numbers a bit, we’ll start with testing the guys on their diving, since there’s a smaller number of swimmers. I’m only gunna say this once, so listen up.” He clears his throat. “Each swimmer will be given a certain diving position. From there, you’ll dive either of 3 different types of dives out of the 5. The dives for today’s try-outs will be forward dives, back dives, & reverse dives. If you don’t know exactly what those are, Josh and Sophie will be demonstrating each of those before we start. Some dives are more difficult from other positions, but they’re not impossible. If you mess up, it’s likely the position- which can always be changed for actual meets during the season. Now, there are more intricate details of diving, but for now, we’ll wait on educating you on the more detailed dives once we’ve filled the 16 spots on the teams.” Coach explains this all. I know all of those dives and what he says holds true. Each one of those different dives can be performed from each position, if a person mess up, it could be the position and not necessarily them. It makes judging easy on Coach, the captains, and vice captains. 

Coach blows his whistle and Josh, Sophie, Brad, & Amanda get up onto the diving boards. “Josh, Position B. Sophie, Position C. Brad, Position A. Amanda, Position D. Follow the order I gave the remaining 28.” Josh nods. Josh proceeds to do a forward dive, back dive, & reverse dive all from a pike position- most commonly referred to as ‘Position B’. While Sophie does the same dives from a tuck position, most commonly referred to as ‘Position C’. Damn, I guess they’re Captains for a reason. 

Josh helps Sophie out of the pool and then Coach nods towards them. Josh speaks up. “Guys first, we’ll be using 4 diving boards for today. There are 12 of you remaining, so we’ll do 4 at a time. Brad and I have already confirmed with Coach which positions each of you will be diving from. These are common dives you’ve gotta know.” Josh explains to the guys and gets them all lined up. “Ok, the first four will be diving from a tuck position, also known as Position C, which you witnessed Sophie do. The next four guys will dive from Position A, which is a straight or layout position, the one I did. The final 4 guys out of you 12 will dive from Position B, which is what Josh did, also known as a pike position.” Brad stepped back and Coach blew his whistle to signal the first set of dives. 

Group by group, all 12 guys get their dives done. Josh and Bad are not only watching, but scribbling on their clipboards. From what the initial flyer said, there are only 8 open spots on each gendered swim and dive team. And since we’re a small town, our teams are the among smallest numbers of teammates in the state. Other high schools for larger cities have teams of like, 20 or 25 per gender. But we only have 15, and even then 2 of the 8 open spots will be bench seats. So Coach, Brad, and Josh have to cut another 4 guys. Meanwhile, Sophie and Amanda will be cutting another 7 girls. 

Next, Sophie and Amanda step up. “As Josh explained to the guys, we are using 4 boards for diving try-outs.” Sophie starts. “Since there are 15 of you girls, we’ll have 3 groups of 4 and a 1 group of 2.” Sophie told us and had us split into groups. Maya, Julie, Hannah, and I are the 3rd group Amanda then steps up. “We’ll follow the same group positions the guys did. So group 1 is diving from Position C. Group 2 will dive from Position A. Group 3 will dive from Position B. And Group 4, you 2 will dive from Position D, which is also known as a free position. It was the position I dove from. You know the order of dives, so group 1 can step up and take their positions. Wait for Coach to signal you. Remember, we’re doing this in groups, but you’re being judged individually.” Amanda tells us. 

Group 1 goes, then group 2, and now our group is up. Pike diving isn’t my best, but I’ve gotten by before with some decent scores. The 4 of us take our places on the diving boards and wait for Coach to blow his whistle. He blows his whistle and I run and jump. First dive is the forward dive. Pretty easy and I landed into the pool in almost the perfect position. I come up for air and swim over to where Sophie is waiting by a ladder, already helping Julie out. She helps me out and I go back to my diving board. I wait by it until the other 3 girls are waiting beside me. Coach signals to us to get onto the diving boards and we get ourselves ready for the next dive they’ve got us trying-out; a back pike dive. Coach blows his whistle and off we go. 

I jumped and was able to get the position right, my landing into the water was a bit rough, but not too bad. Again, we swam over to the ladder, Sophie helped each of us out, and we got ready at our diving boards for our final dive. Which would be a reverse pike dive. Coach blew his whistle and I took my approach and jumped. I didn’t quite get the position, maybe from how tired I’ve gotten since the start of try-outs, maybe a bit more space between my legs and body than I would’ve liked, but I was able to nail a decent landing into the water. I came up for air and swam over to the ladder. This time, Amanda helped us out of the pool. Maya, Julie, Hannah, and I grab our towels as we sit down and watch the last 2 girls perform their dives. They did pretty well. After that, all remaining 28 students towel off a bit while Coach, the captains, and vice captains all deliberate on who to cut after watching us perform our dives. God, I’m so excited yet nervous at the same time. I got pretty tired towards the end, so I’m not completely happy with my dive results, but at least I didn’t have to jump a reverse dive. I probably hate that position the most. 

** Josh’s POV: **

Coach pulls Sophie, Amanda, Brad, & I to the side. “So what do you have?” He asks. Sophie speaks up. “Amanda and I pretty much agree that Groups 1 & 2 were pretty shakey, but the final 6 girls were pretty spot on. We could see that they were mainly just tired from earlier in try-outs.” Coach nods as he reads the notes Sophie & Amanda made. “Ok, so cut these 7 girls, and make these 2 girls our benchwarmers.” Sophie nodded and made those notes. “This time have the ones who made it jump from the high dive.” He chuckled. We may be a small-town high school, but Coach takes it as seriously as if we were a major university. Then he looks at me. “Ok Freeman, Monroe. Show me what you’ve got.” 

Brad and I handed him our clipboards. “Groups 1 & 2 each had a weak link so to speak, so we cut them. The third group, we cut 2 of them since their forms were way off.” Coach nods. “Good job guys. This time, let’s not toy with them too much. So have the all 12 guys in the pool, floating along the edge. Have them dunk their heads, then tap the shoulders of the 4 who were cut.” Damn Coach, then again, this isn’t too different from when the 4 of us were trying out ourselves. We nodded and gathered all 28 swimmers. I let Sophie step up first. 

  


** Clair’s POV: **

As us remaining students are resting, Sophie, Amanda, Brad, & Josh walk up to us. “Alright y’all. We’ve made our final cuts.” Sophie tells us. “Can all the girls stand up please?” Amanda asks. Us girls all stand up and Amanda comes up to us. “If I tap your shoulder, make your way to the high dive diving board.” Amanda smiles and proceeds to tap a few girls and they walk over to the high dive. When there are only 4 spots left, I get a bit nervous. Hannah gets tapped. So does Maya and Julie. One last spot, and I feel like I’m gunna cry. All of a sudden, Amanda is standing in front of the rest of us remaining girls. She smiles big before reaching her hand out. I close my eyes in anticipation. At first I don’t feel a thing, but then after another second, there’s a light tapping on my shoulder. I open my eyes wide. Amanda smiles and tilts her head towards the high dive. I happily walked over to the other 7 girls who were tapped. I can hear Alex & Bailey cheering. 

Sophie starts talking again. “To those who weren’t tapped, I’m sorry but this isn’t your season. Don’t worry, I’m sure a few of you will make it next year. You should all still be so very proud of yourselves. You were fantastic.” Sophie and Amanda give the 7 girls who were cut a round of hugs. Then look our way. “As your initiation into Clover High’s Swim & Dive team, each of you will jump off this 33-foot high dive.” She smiled. So, one by one, 8 girls jump 33 feet down into the high school swimming team. Coming up for air with wide smiles on their faces. 

Once we’re all out of the pool, Josh steps up with Brad right next to him. “Ok, all 12 guys remaining, get in the pool and stay along the edge of the pool.” Josh commands. They follow the order. Brad smirks. “Now, each of you will dunk your heads. If you feel a tap on your shoulder, come up for air. Once we’ve got our 8, listen for a whistle.” Damn guys. But all 12 guys follow this direction as well. I watch as Josh then walks along the edge of the pool, in a good time span too since I’m sure they don’t want anybody drowning. He taps the shoulders of 8 guys and once they’re all above water and in good spirits, Coach blows his whistle. The other 4 guys come up for air, looking a little discouraged. But Brad and Josh help each of them out of the water. 

“Hey guys, you all still did a damn good job. A bit shaky, but with some practice, I’m sure some of y’all will make it next year.” Brad encourages them. Overall, those who made it through try-outs were ecstatic and those who didn’t had no hard feelings. It was great. Coach congratulated everyone who made it and told us the first practice of the swimming season would be this upcoming Thursday morning before school starts at 6 A.M. sharp. “We meet at 6 A.M. every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. If you want to practice more than that, it’s definitely encouraged. Just don’t over strain yourselves. Thank you to all those who didn’t make it. We appreciate your future support for this season and I surely hope some of you come back and try out again next year.” Coach concludes try-outs and dismisses us to dry off and get changed.

Alex and Bailey run up to me. “Oh my god congrats baby!!” Bailey hugs me. I hug her back. “Thanks babe.” I kiss her cheek. Not really caring who may be staring at us. Alex then takes his chance to hug me too. “I knew you’d make it. They saved the best for last.” I laugh. “Sure.” “No he’s right.” I hear from behind me. I turn around to see Sophie & Amanda. “What?” I ask. They laugh. “You were easily one of the better girls trying out today. We even saw your mini fan club. We knew it’d be detrimental not to have you on the team. And just so you know, no one in your group today is a benchwarmer.” Amanda explained. I nodded. “Thank you.” I hugged both of them. “You were great too baby.” I hear Alex tell Josh. I can just lightly see Josh blush. 

** Josh’s POV: **

“You were great too baby.” Alex tells me. I try not to let my blush show too much. “Thanks babe.” I grab his hand. He intertwined our fingers together. “I don’t how you guys do this.” Alex jokingly exclaims, referencing his hand to the pool. We all laugh. “You don’t like swimming, do you?” Brad asks. Lukas takes this moment to jog on over to us. “Hey Soph, you were great today.” She smiles. “Thanks Luke.” Lukas looks around, “What I miss?” He asks. “Nothing.” Alex says. We chuckle. “We’re talking about how Alex really doesn’t like swimming that much.” Clair says. Lukas shrugs. “You guys can be the sharks, I’ll happily take my ass elsewhere.” Alex jokes. After talking some more, Alex, Bailey, and Lukas wait for the rest of us to dry off and change into dry clothes. 

After changing, we meet back up with Alex, Bailey, and Lukas. Lukas and Sophie lock eyes before looking at Alex & I. “What?” Alex asks. Lukas smiles and Sophie speaks up. “How would you two like to double date with Luke & I this Friday after the game? Since the party will be on Saturday?” Alex smiles and that’s all it takes for me to agree to it. His smile just radiates the right amount of confidence that I need. “Sounds great.” I tell Lukas as I wrap my arm around Alex. Lukas perks up. “Hell yeah! And Clair,” he looks at Clair, “you & Bailey better be at the party Saturday night. It’ll be your official introduction into the Swim & Dive team.” Clair nods excitedly. “Fuck yeah we’ll be there!” She assures us all. “Fuckin’ sweet!” Lukas pumps his fist in the air. Honestly, I actually find myself looking forward to the double date, the game, & the party despite what all these homophobic motherfuckers may think about my sexuality. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I finally finished this chapter! I'm sorry it wasn't sooner, but I unfortunately lost my Grandfather about 3 weeks ago and I really lost my writing streak for about a week and a half. I worked through it though because I do honestly love writing and I hope you guys like this chapter. I tried to put extra detail into it to make up for the time y'all waited for it. This chapter, as you guys can tell, is very much so Clair & Josh-based. I wanted to focus mainly on them during this chapter since it's not only the first day at school afterJosh's coming out, but it's Clair's moment to shine at tryouts for their school's swim & dive team. I noticed while re-reading "I Love, Even If You Don't", that I really didn't write much about the initial aftermath of Josh's coming out. So that is one of the big differences in this re-write. Also, I'm not athletic AT ALL haha, and tried my best while typing out the try-outs. Since I'm not a sporty person, I did some research on swimming terms and some rules & regulations with high school swimming & diving. I googled some things, but it mostly lead me to youtube & this one guide (that's linked below), and I also am a fan of an anime called "Free! Iwatobi Swim Club", so I used some swimming terms from there too. If y'all notice any mistakes or just swimming things that don't make much sense, just comment on this story or message me and let me know :) I love all the feedback I can get <3 Love you guys!!
> 
> PS- I've already got chapters 9, 10, & 11 outlined and planned out! :D 
> 
> ___________________________
> 
> Resources I used for swimming & diving terms:
> 
> youtube.com/watch?v=My4bgiwPVpY 
> 
> nfhs.org/media/1017138/2019-20-diving-officials-guidelines-manual.pdf


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